How to Speak to Customers and the Server in a Restaurant

Using good manners can enhance the restaurant experience.

"Eighty percent of the American dining public is nice. But you've got twenty percent of patrons who are just crazy! Entitled, demanding people . . . ," says Steve Dublanica, nine-year New York City waiter and author of the book "Waiter Rant." On the other hand, Bill Marvin, the Restaurant Doctor, claims, "Demanding guests force you to be your best." The fact is, both waiters and diners need to take pains to respect and appreciate each other's concerns. Good manners -- on the part of both -- go a long way toward expressing respect, thereby maximizing enjoyment.

Instructions

Speaking to the Server

1. Greet the server in a pleasant, friendly way. Restaurant servers are often under a lot of stress, especially during busy periods. Taking a moment to smile and say hello will help you stand out among the tables full of diners that servers encounter in a day. If your server feels positively toward you, he may take extra pains to enhance your dining experience.

2. Ask about the day's specials. Especially if she is harried, a waitstaff member may forget to fill you in about special pricing or seasonal menu changes. Your prompting her will ensure you get complete information before placing your order.

3. Ask politely for anything, whether for water, bread, more menus or more napkins. Just because the waiter is paid to serve does not mean you should be overbearing, hostile or rude.

4. Ask for the bill. According to Oprah, it is considered rude for a waiter to drop off the check in a restaurant that is not busy, so let the waitperson know when you are ready to pay.

5. Thank the waitperson for her kind service. Even if she did seem rushed, taking a minute to thank her is a positive step.

Speaking to Guests

1. Give a friendly smile. Even in the most upscale restaurants, a nice smile is an instant ice-breaker. It may immediately positively incline your diners toward you -- and may result in higher tips.

2. Greet the diners and introduce yourself by name. You might then continue to create rapport, depending on the tone of the restaurant, by asking their names. At any rate, establish a relationship with at least the leader of the party. Ingratiating yourself with children never hurts either.

3. Tell the diners, without being prompted, about daily specials and other special pricing, in addition to seasonal menu changes. People appreciate knowing what they can get for less. Your giving them the information willingly and up front helps them feel you have their interests at heart (which may further endear you to them). It also helps them feel they have complete -- if not inside -- information.

4. Ask for the order. Be polite when dealing with diners, whether they are frustrated or contented.

5. Ask about the diners' satisfaction a few minutes after they are served. You will be able to discover any food, drink or service problems right away. In addition, your requesting feedback will make diners feel well looked after. By the time diners summon you about a problem, they may have already become frustrated and angry.

6. Address concerns positively and escalate when necessary. If a diner wants to send food back, is unhappy with portion size or feels what she was served is not what was described on the menu, do not make a fuss. Make every effort to satisfy the customer. If no amount of patience or reasoning will do, get the manager involved. Make a minimum of disturbance so as not to negatively impact the experience of the other diners.

7. Thank the diners for visiting. Even if they were difficult to deal with, diners will remember a friendly face at time of exit. Leaving a positive impression with them may encourage return visits.

Tips & Warnings

• Oprah advises tipping at least 15 percent even if you served yourself from a buffet, as waiters rely on tips for nearly all their income.

• Make sure your children are well-behaved -- for the sake of both the server and the other diners.

• If the restaurant is packed and the waiter has dropped off the check, pay and leave as quickly as you can so that new diners may be seated.

References

• California Employment Development Department: Labor Market Information: Waiters and Waitresses
• Oprah: 10 Dos and Donts of Restaurant Etiquette
• Restaurant Doctor; The Importance of Complaints; Bill Marvin
• Time; Confessions of an Angry Waiter; Jeremy Caplan; August, 2008