How to Develop a Relationship With Your Boyfriend
In their book "The 48 Laws of Power," Robert Greene and Joost Elfers tell the story of Marie Mancini, who won the heart of the French King, Louis XIV. Marie was, her family thought, disappointingly awkward and wanted her to enter a convent. She refused and, to spite them, decided to make the king fall in love with her. She did so by using strategies that all women everywhere can use to nurture a relationship: she developed her own mind, she trained herself to be a good listener and she mirrored his interests in her own conversation.
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Instructions
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Listen carefully to your boyfriend and determine what his interests are. Read about those interests until you are able to converse about them knowledgeably. This is a powerful and indirect form of flattery. By taking his ideas seriously, you are showing that you take him seriously as a person.
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Reflect back what is good about him. Give him sincere and understated compliments. Find his strong points as a human being and a man and let him know that you are aware of them and appreciate them. If he fixes cars or computers, comment on how good his spatial skills are and how you wish you had that gift. Perhaps he has the ability to lead effectively or resolve difficult interpersonal situations smoothly. Let him know that you admire those abilities.
Too many people criticize and focus on faults. Do the opposite. Let him see the best in himself through your reactions to him.
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Practice relationship maintenance. Do small favors for him on a regular basis. Pick up a copy of his favorite magazine when you go to the book store. Buy his favorite food. If you go on a trip, bring back a little remembrance for him, preferably one related to his interests. It is important not to make these gifts too expensive or elaborate: he will feel like he is being manipulated. Instead, make him feel like you are aware of what is important to him and that those things matter to you.
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Frame discussions about sensitive areas of the relationship as requests for help. "I need help with something" sounds better than "You always do that!" By asking for help, you have avoided criticizing him and you have given him an opportunity to be a good guy. While you should avoid long, drawn-out discussions of past traumas, if there is a painful issue in your life, try to explain it as a result of a past experience that is not connected to him personally.
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Focus on him, not on past relationships that are over. Don't talk about what a louse your ex was because he will wonder if you will talk that way about him if the relationship ends. If he asks about a past relationship, say you split because you both wanted different things out of life. If the "different thing" your ex wanted was a blonde who was ten years younger than you, share your feelings with your girlfriends but not with him.
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Look your best at all times. Men are often highly visual and are sensitive to how women look. Taking extra efforts with your personal appearance tells a man that you care about him. It also tells him that you care about yourself--and if you care about yourself, he will treat you better.
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Strive to become a vibrant and passionate woman. Take time to develop your mind, as Marie Mancini did. A woman who lives only for the man in her life soon becomes a dull and boring person. Pursue the things you love to do, whether it is skiing or writing poetry. If you do, you will radiate the alluring qualities of happiness and enthusiasm that will keep him interested in you.
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References
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