How to Help a Divorced Girlfriend

Spend some quality time with your divorced girlfriend.

When one of your girlfriends is in the post-divorce stage, it's important to be there for her -- to listen, to advise and to commiserate. While the dynamic of her life has undergone a huge change, your friendship can be a constant. According to Delaine Moore, Neuro-Linguistic Programming Therapist and divorce expert, your divorced girlfriends need a smart, savvy, straightforward friendship to help them through their challenges as they adjust to their new lifestyle.

Instructions

1. Don't pity her situation. You can share her grief and frustration over what has happened, but help her look toward the future. Remind her of all the positive things she has going for her in her life such as her career, children and talents. Encourage her to try something new that she didn't have time for before such as learning how to scuba-dive or taking an interior design class.

2. Listen without judgment. Your divorced girlfriend will probably have times when she needs to vent to someone about her ex or other situations that have cropped up in her life as a result of her divorce. Lend your ear or your shoulder to cry on. Tell her you hear what she's saying, but don't say things such as "I'm so glad you got rid of him, I never liked him."

3. Offer your advice or opinion as needed, but avoid judging. If your girlfriend begins to doubt her decisions or feels like she can't do something without her ex's help, talk her through it. Help her see that she can accomplish decision-making and other tasks without feeling helpless and alone. Encourage her to work it out.

4. Invite her places such as having coffee or going shopping. Make sure to spend some time with her on a routine basis and celebrate your friendship. She will appreciate your efforts.

5. Suggest counseling or therapy if she seems to be in a slump. If she's against it, find some books on recovering after divorce and give them to her as a gift. Encourage her to read them.

Tips & Warnings

• Help out however you can. If your girlfriend has to move as a result of the divorce, pitch in and help her pack. Always ask "What can I do to help you?"

• Stay within your boundaries. Don't give advice that you aren't comfortable giving. If she asks you for advice that you have no idea how to give, refer her to someone else or help her brainstorm how to find out the answer.

References

• "Growing Through Divorce"; Jim Smoke; 2007
• I Am Divorced Not Dead; "A Smart, Savvy, No BS Girlfriend: We All Need One During Divorce"; Delaine Moore