How to Overcome an Absence of Trust
Struggling relationships can often be saved if an element of trust and understanding is restored. Couples can often fall out with each other if there are examples of suspicion or deception in the relationship. Even when a breakdown of trust arises from a matter that some might find trivial, the effect it can have on the relationship can be devastating. Restoring lost trust requires a high level of commitment, patience and understanding.
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Instructions
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Do not try to address relationship issues during busy parts of the day when children are still awake. Instead, find a quiet time where you can both sit down to talk calmly. Be prepared to adopt an understanding stance, whether you are feeling aggrieved or not. Avoid offering reassurances by making apologies and unrealistic promises during the early stages of negotiation. Instead, make an effort to acknowledge the feelings of the other person in your relationship. Make it clear that you understand their plight, and reassure them that their feelings are valid and of importance.
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Offer apologies at the right time. Avoid saying you're sorry as soon as discussions begin because this can come across as a sign of insincerity. Clarify that you understand how your actions have caused distress and do not try to substantiate your personal behavior. Always wait until you have been asked to explain your actions instead of offering them indiscriminately. Try to be genuinely reflective so that a partner has a reason to forgive.
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Be completely honest when offering explanations. Talk about how you actually felt at the time you committed your misdemeanor. If you went away with your friends to the country, for example, tell your partner that you would have felt left out if you had stayed at home or that you worried about your friends losing respect for you. Give your partner time to think about your reasons for breaking down the trust barriers instead of expecting an instant response.
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Talk about the behavior your partner would expect if a similar situation occurred, and establish promises that can be agreed upon mutually. Be realistic with any promises you make, and be clear so both parties understand what is expected in the future. Allow for compromises. If a husband has been spending all weekend playing golf, make it known that a few hours of play on a Saturday is acceptable so that there is no resentment.
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Schedule a time when you can both sit down to discuss the issue again. Talk about any instances where similar situations have occurred, and offer thanks if promises have been kept. Try to review promises and realistically revise them if one partner is struggling to fulfill his or her obligations. Remember that time is a great healer, and an attitude of honesty and understanding will eventually pave the way to a full and satisfactory resolution.
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References
- Truth about Deception: Help to Create Understanding
- Truth about Deception: How to Give an Effective Apology
- Truth about Deception; How to Explain Why Things Went Wrong
- Truth about Deception: How to Make Promises when Rebuilding Trust
- Truth about Deception: Final Considerations about Rebuilding Trust
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