How to Find the Right Relationship Counselor

The right therapist can help you calmly and effectively resolve conflicts in your relationship.

A good relationship counselor can help you to bridge differences with your significant other or spouse and can act as a valuable mediator in conflicts. It's important to choose a mental health professional who shares your values, who can remain neutral, and who will be effective and honest. The right counselor will be different for each person, so it's important to think carefully about what you need and what approaches work best for you and your partner.

Instructions

1. Ask a friend or someone you trust for recommendations. This allows you to find out about a therapist's style and determine if it will work well for your relationship.

2. Check the therapist's credentials. People with a variety of degrees can become relationship counselors. Most important, however, is that your counselor is licensed by the licensing board for therapists in your state. Your therapist should also be honest about his or her specific training and experience. You can check your therapist's credentials by contacting your Secretary of State and asking about the licensing board for mental health professionals. Most states have a Secretary of State website that you can check from home.

3. Ask your therapist what professional associations she participates in. Depending upon your therapist's license, he or she could be a member of several organizations. You can often find out lots of information about your therapist by contacting the professional associations to which he or she belongs.

4. Choose a therapist who specializes in family and marriage counseling. Marital counseling requires that the practitioner remain a neutral third party, and this is a completely separate skill from the skills required to be a good counselor to individuals. Ask the therapist how many couples he or she has counseled.

5. Inquire as to how long counseling will take to resolve your specific conflicts. A good therapist will provide you with a plan. You should be fully aware at all times of your therapist's understanding of what needs to change in your relationship and how long those changes will take. If your counselor can't give you this information, try someone else.

6. Attend therapy for a "test session." Both you and your partner should meet the therapist, ask any questions, and determine if the therapist is a good fit. If either of you feels uncomfortable, thinks the therapist is biased or does not approve of the treatment plan, choose a different counselor. You both need to like and trust the therapist for counseling to work.

Tips & Warnings

• Don't try to choose a therapist who you think will take your side. Relationship counselors should be neutral third parties.

References

• Psychology Today: "A Buyer's Guide to Psychotherapy"
• "Hope-Focused Marriage Counseling"; Everett L. Worthington; 2005
• "All You Need is Love and Other Lies About Marriage"; John Jacobs; 2004