How to Communicate That You're Upset

Avoid passive-aggressive ways of communicating that you're upset.

Communicating that you are upset with someone is a way to prevent an unpleasant situation from occurring. It is better to tell someone sooner rather than later, as a quiet, polite word at the time is better than building resentment and anger. Even if the person has done something to make you upset, treating him with respect in explaining the circumstances will allow you to work together to ensure that your relationship does not get weaker but stronger.

Instructions

1. Ask the individual with whom you are upset if you can talk to her in private. Set aside a time to talk when both of you are not busy or stressed. If the issue can be solved in a simple, casual conversation, talk with the individual directly after the situation arises. If the issue is larger and more serious, ask the individual to meet you in a quiet setting, such as a cafe or in your office.

2. Explain to the individual exactly why you are upset, while remaining calm and polite. Avoid personal attacks, and stick to the specific behaviors or situation that has upset you. Be as honest and candid as possible.

3. Hold eye contact with the individual as you talk to further emphasize the candidness of your conversation. By looking the person directly in the eyes you make it clear that you are genuinely upset.

4. Propose a solution to the situation that has made you upset. Ask the individual to work together with you to make sure the situation does not arise in the future. Be specific with what you ask from the individual. Discuss a common goal which the two of you share and can reassign your focus to. For example, if you are coworkers, propose that the two of you redirect your attention to the needs of the clients rather than having petty arguments.

Tips & Warnings

• Avoid using passive-aggressive ways of communicating that you're upset. Do not roll your eyes, give someone the "silent treatment," slam doors, stomp around angrily or be sarcastic. Act like a confident, well-reasoned adult and approach the situation directly.

References

• George Washington University Counseling Center: Anger Management: Is There Another Way to Express Your Angry Feelings
• Florida Gulf Coast University: How Do We Communicate Better
• MIT Human Resources; When Emotions Get in the Way; Francine Cyrstal