How to Write a Letter to an Estranged Mother

Always show compassion and respect when writing to your mother.

If you have been at odds with your mother, writing a letter can help you rebuild the relationship and overcome the barriers that caused the rift in the first place. Before you begin, you should first think about what part you played in the conflict and not just focus on the things your mother did. Keep your goals in mind, which could include improving your relationship and sharing important news about your life with your mother. However, during this process, realize that your mother might not be receptive to your attempts to improve the relationship.

Instructions

1. State your reason for writing the letter. This could include because you want to make amends or you want to introduce your mother to your children.

2. Apologize to your mother for any hurt you caused. However, do not expect anything of her in return. Remember that this could be a one-way letter.

3. Extend forgiveness to your mother, but avoid excessive details. Do your best to put all arguments behind you.

4. Finish the letter by telling your mother how you hope she will respond. Perhaps you tell her you would like to have a phone conversation or meet for coffee, if she is open to it.

References

• Psychology Today: The Thanksgiving Challenge
• Oprah: Improve Your Mother Daughter Relationship