How to Get Your Spouse to Go to Counseling Instead of a Divorce

Marriage counseling can make the difference between working things out and getting divorced.

Instead of moving straight to filing for divorce, some couples make every effort to try to repair their marriage first. This often includes going to marriage counseling to learn how to communicate more effectively and handle problems better. However, in some cases, your spouse may not feel the same way as you do and refuse to go to counseling. If you want to save your marriage, you need to convince him to go.

Instructions

1. Sit down with your spouse and tell her how you are feeling. Explain that you feel your marriage is struggling and you think you both need to make an effort to keep your marriage from failing. Sometimes, your spouse may not realize that you are feeling negatively about your marriage; you need to tell her.

2. Ask your spouse if he will go with you to counseling. He may be more willing to go than you would think. Let him know you realize that you need to make changes, but he must also make changes for the marriage to work. Tell him that it is important to you.

3. Wait a couple of weeks if your spouse rejects counseling the first time. Rephrase your request the next time, making sure you focus on what your marriage means to you and why you would like to save it. Some people feel like a failure when presented with counseling and rephrasing the request can lessen some of the pressure.

4. Make the appointment yourself. If you make the effort to find a therapist and make the appointment, you are showing her how important this step is to your marriage. In some cases, having an appointment is all it will take to convince your spouse to go with you.

5. Attend counseling for yourself if your spouse is unwilling to go. Talk to the therapist about how to help your spouse see that counseling is important. The therapist can give you advice on what to say to your spouse. Show your spouse how the counseling is helping you as an individual and tell him the therapist can do the same for him.

Tips & Warnings

• Fix yourself the best you can whether your spouse agrees to go or not. You cannot force anyone else to change against his will.

References

• Health Guidance; How to Get Your Husband Into Couples Counseling; Jacob Mabille
• Purdue University; Engaging Your Spouse in Marital Counseling; Lorna Hecker, Ph.D.
• Divorces: Marriage Counseling