How to Prevent Men From Losing Everything in Divorce
For some men, divorce can feel like Armageddon. You can lose your wife, your home, your children and your retirement. Your standard of living plunges as child support and alimony payments suck money away from your post-tax paycheck, and you may find a court giving your soon-to-be-ex assets that you've worked years to accumulate. While divorce can be a devastating process no matter what you do, making the right moves at the right time can minimize your losses.
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Instructions
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Get a good attorney. While you're free to represent yourself, going on the Internet and researching your state's family law code will not place you on an even playing field with your wife's lawyer, if she's hired one. Finding a good attorney doesn't necessarily mean picking the most expensive, most experienced or the biggest "shark" or "bulldog." Retain someone with enough experience to handle a case like yours and the right personality to work with you.
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Pay child support voluntarily if your ex-wife has the kids, even if this means letting some of your own debt go late or unpaid. Ask your attorney what you will likely pay in child support according to your state guidelines, and pay it without having to be asked. Paying adequate child support without arm-twisting by a judge shows that you are a concerned father whose love for his kids exceeds his animosity towards their mother. Furthermore, this could help keep your litigation costs down by removing one issue from the list of things to fight over.
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Focus on being the best parent possible. Don't criticize your children's mother when they're around and make it clear that she deserves their respect -- even if you think she doesn't. Take every opportunity to spend time with them and be involved in their lives. This means meeting their teachers and doctors and staying abreast of what they're doing in school. Develop a plan for how you're going to help them succeed despite their family situation and be prepared to talk about it in court.
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Be informed. Early on, gather as much information as you can on how much your spouse earns and what her assets and liabilities are. Although your attorney can generally find this out in the discovery phase of your case, you're better off knowing as much as possible up front. Stay on top of your credit report to see if she's letting any joint debts slide or if she's running up accounts in your name. Close joint accounts and remove her name from as many of your bank accounts as possible.
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Behave yourself. While this may seem like common sense to some, the pain of divorce can cause you to say and do things you never would have considered before. In dealing with your ex, speak and act like you're being recorded. Remember that your goal in this process is creating the best world possible for you and your children, not creating the worst one for your ex.
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