How to Send a Card Instead of Attending a Wake

Sending flowers with a sympathy card is common practice.

Wakes are for anyone to attend, even persons who may not have known the deceased very well. The idea at a wake is to drop by and share memories of the deceased with everyone there, including close family members or friends who may be grieving the most. However, when it is not possible to attend a wake, it is appropriate etiquette to send a sympathy card.

Things You'll Need

• Sympathy card

Instructions

Choosing and Sending the Card

1. Find the right card. A sympathy card with a ready-made, printed message is appropriate if you did not know the deceased very well. If you did know the deceased well, a blank card with space to write about the deceased is better. You can make a card yourself and mail it, send a free online sympathy card or mail a business or Christian sympathy card.

2. Write an appropriate message, such as a funny anecdote about the deceased, in a blank card. Or copy words from an Internet site that offers sympathy verses. For a business sympathy card, try not to be overly dramatic, informal or clichéd. Keep the message brief.

3. Use blue or black ink to neatly handwrite the envelope address using proper titles. If sending a card on behalf of your family, have everyone in the family sign the card. If you knew the deceased well but do not know the family of the deceased well, write the card to the family member most closely related to the deceased. However, if your card is for a friend of the deceased who is grieving, address it to the friend, not to a family member.

4. Send the card within two weeks after the death. It is not necessary that the card arrive on the day of the wake. Plan ahead if it should arrive on the day of the wake with the rest of the memorial cards and gifts. Combine the card with flowers if desired, or in place of flowers, make a donation to a charity chosen by the family of the deceased. Make sure flowers are not romantic in nature; tell the florist they are for sympathy purposes.

References

• Simple Sympathy: Messages of Sympathy
• Comfort & Grace: Gifts of Sympathy and Encouragement
• Imagenation: Sympathy Verses
• Simple Sympathy: Business Sympathy Cards
• ElegantWoman.org: Sympathy Card Etiquette
• Simple Sympathy: Sympathy card Etiquette