How to Resolve Deep Conflicts & Divorce As Friends

Make your marriage end as painless as possible.

Getting a divorce is not something that you likely considered when you dressed to impress and headed down that aisle; however, for many, this is how that well-intentioned union ends. Often when embroiled in divorce, spouses become bitter and fail to ever truly resolve the issues that drove the wedge between them. While you can get divorced without ever dealing with these issues, doing so is unwise. If, instead, you tackle these deep conflicts and attempt to mend your relationship while you transition from marriage to friendship, you may find that the divorce process is a less painful one.

Instructions

1. Give your partner space. Even if you are eager to end your issues and make your divorce as amiable as possible, bombarding your partner with discussions of emotions is ill-advised. Instead, allow your partner to cool off, and take some time to do so as well, keeping your distance and limiting your contact so you can both work through your issues alone before tackling them as a couple.

2. Communicate through writing. If conversations with your soon-to-be-ex often turn into screaming matches, written communication could be an effective means of talking with this individual. Write your spouse a letter in which you acknowledge your errors and apologize for them. Also share your feelings and make your desire to get past your issues clear.

3. Set mutual priorities. Discuss what you both want out of your future communications with each other. If you share children, the happiness of these kids will likely be No. 1 on your list. After arriving at a list of mutual priorities, it will be easier for you both to move forward as you will have reached an agreement.

4. Stop playing the blame game. There is no reason to continue to bring up issues that caused your marriage to end. Doing so will only make your future interactions negative in nature. Call a truce by telling your partner that you are done with the past and ready to move forward unencumbered by past problems.

5. Agree to disagree. Because you are getting divorced, you no longer have to agree on things about which you once needed to see eye-to-eye. If, for example, you and your partner always viewed money handling differently and this difference was part of the reason your union ended, you can now handle your own cash independently, so your disagreement is no longer of importance.

6. Set boundaries. If you find it hard to stop contacting your ex, or vice versa, set rules to govern these communications. For example, set a certain day on which you will speak to each other and avoid calling each other on other days of the week. Formalizing these boundaries can make it easier for you and your spouse to redefine your new relationship.

7. Seek counseling. If you or your partner still struggle with serious issues that you simply can't resolve on your own, counseling may be the only way to tend to these troubles. If you are truly committed to rebuilding a happy relationship, seek the help of a professional who can guide you both through these problems and make your new relationship a stronger one.

References

• Lanning Enterprises: Eight Tips for Divorcing Amicably
• Mayo Clinic: Mending your Marriage After an Affair