How to Become a Better Muslim Husband

Building a strong marriage takes teamwork, and Muslim marriages are no exception.

For Muslim husbands, emulating the example of the Prophet Muhammad is both an act of worship and a way to improve the marital relationship. Marriage is encouraged in the Qur'an and the oral traditions of the Prophet Muhammad, and treating one's spouse well is not only a marital obligation, but also an Islamic duty. In some Muslim cultures, marital issues are considered private, posing a barrier to asking for advice on marital problems. Knowing how to be a good Muslim husband won't fix every problem in marriage, but it can make problems easier to identify and solve.

Instructions

1. Establish mutual goals and plans that leave room for attaining personal goals. Imam Daayiee Abdullah, a religious counselor and educator, states that conflicts over finances and personal goals have troubled many of the couples he has married and counseled. Have an open discussion on career goals, financial position and goals, and plans for education or starting a family. Some Muslims believe that women should not work outside the home at all, or while parenting young children. Discuss your ideas about what you expect from your spouse and what your spouse expects of you.

2. Learn how to communicate as a couple. According to Imam Daayiee, successful couples communicate fairly and seek professional counseling early. The Prophet Muhammad is known to have never spoken harshly to his wives, and his wives became his most trusted counsel in governing the new Muslim community.

3. Learn about the rights your spouse is entitled to as a Muslim spouse. Some Muslim men expect their wives to support the family financially, but a Muslim woman is entitled to keep all of her earnings, and the support she offers is not obligatory. Becoming a better Muslim husband requires knowing the duties of a Muslim husband.

4. Make caring for the household a joint responsibility. The Prophet Muhammad would attend to household chores and care for his own clothes before taking care of community concerns. According to Aishah, wife of the Prophet Muhammad, "He always helped with the housework and would at times mend his clothes, repair his shoes and sweep the floor. He would milk, protect and feed his animals and do household chores."

5. Be affectionate and have fun with your spouse. The Prophet Muhammad embraced, kissed and played with his wives, even while fasting, and encouraged his associates to do the same. Satisfying your spouse's sexual needs is considered an act of sadaqa, a charitable deed. Foreplay is also encouraged by a hadith: "Not one of you should fall upon his wife like an animal; but let there first be a messenger between you," the Prophet Muhammad said. "And what is that messenger?" they asked, and he replied: "Kisses and words." Becoming a better Muslim husband includes attending to your spouse's emotional and physical needs, and neglecting her sexual needs is discouraged by Islamic scholars.

Tips & Warnings

• Your spouse's goals and needs are just as important as your own. Show interest in your spouse's career, family and hobbies.

• Worship together. If you often attend the mosque for prayers regularly, set aside a time to pray with your spouse.

• Never intentionally harm your spouse. Not only is spousal abuse strongly condemned by Islamic source texts, it is also illegal.

References

• 10 Tips to Be a Successful Muslim Husband
• The Way to Truth: "The Prophet and His Wives"
• Imam Daayiee Abdullah, Imam and Religious Educator, Masjid an-Nur al-Isslaah
• Soundvision; "Tips for a Better Husband and Wife Relationship"; Ibrahim Bowers
• "The Prophet Muhammad: The Best Of All Husbands"; Dr. Ghazi Al-Shammari
• "Muhammad: A Biography of the Prophet"; Karen Armstrong; 1992

Resources

• Imam Daayiee Abdullah
• Ar-Raheeq Al-Makhtum; Sheikh Safi-ur-Rahman al-Mubarkpuri; 2002
• The Sublime Quran; Laleh Bakhtiar; 2007
• The Muslim Marriage Guide; Ruqaiyah Waris Maqsood; 1998