How to Get your Kids to Accept your Boyfriend
"Seeing a parent date is an odd scenario for kids," says M. Gary Neuman, author and Licensed Mental Health Counselor in an article on the Family Education website. Neuman also believes that once a child sees that his parent is developing a relationship with another person, he will likely start to understand that his parents aren't planning on getting back together. Dating and getting your kids to accept your new boyfriend can prove tricky. The key is to take it slow to give your children time to adjust to a new person in your lives.
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Instructions
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Have a talk with your children in a place with no distractions. Explain to them that they are and will continue to be the most important people in your life, but you also enjoy spending time with your boyfriend.
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Listen to your children's comments, especially comments that demonstrate uncertainty, fear or unhappiness. Reassure them that your relationship with them will continue to be the same, but you'd like to include your boyfriend in some of your family time, too.
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Plan some outings that focus on fun activities in which you can all participate, such as going to the zoo, bowling or miniature golf. Don't immediately place your kids or your boyfriend in situations where in which the focus is on talking to one another such as a family dinner. Instead, do something fun and then eat together. Then, you'll have something to talk about.
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Show physical affection toward your boyfriend sparingly in front of your children, so it won't confuse them or make them uncomfortable. For instance, if you want to hold hands, include smaller children in the action so they won't feel left out. Allow your boyfriend to put his arm around you, but avoid hugs and kisses in front of the children until they become more comfortable with the relationship.
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Continue to address any doubts or fears that your children may have in regards to your relationship. Reassure them and remind them that they are most important to you. Always be ready to listen to your children so they feel valued.
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Tips & Warnings
Listen to your children's opinions, but don't let them dictate how your relationships should progress who you should date. You deserve happiness, and as long as you don't let your relationship with your boyfriend compromise your relationship with your children, you can make it work.
Make sure that your boyfriend is a person who wants to be involved with you on a long-term basis -- not someone who may end things at any time. Involving your children in another relationship that breaks apart may prove emotionally traumatic for them.
Never leave your children in the care of your boyfriend unless you are certain that he is a person whom you should trust alone with your kids. Never do this until your children have a chance to get to know him.
References
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