How to Handle a Son's Choice of Girlfriends

Talk to your son about his choices and how they make you feel.

Parenting starts from the time of conception. Once a woman becomes a mother, she doesn't stop caring for the well-being of her children as long as she lives. Children may act out as teenagers as they explore who they are as individuals; as adults they may make choices that are unexpected or even disappointing for their parents. Remember that the most important thing for your child is to be healthy and happy. You can learn not to sweat the small stuff.

Instructions

1. Ask your son why he chose to be with his current girlfriend, whether he has genuine feelings for her or whether it's just a physical relationship. If his intentions are pure, you may be relieved to know that he's in a healthy relationship. Learn to listen well by reading up on communication skills such as the art of listening.

2. Get to know your son's girlfriend by asking her about her interests, goals and hobbies. Note if she seems to sincerely care about your son, or if she is evasive and not interested in talking to you. If you are worried that your son cares for her but she doesn't reciprocate those feelings, talk to your son about it.

3. Ask yourself why you have been unhappy with your son's choice in girlfriends. If you prefer that your son dates within a specific religion, keep in mind that this is a sensitive topic, but do speak to your son about it. Tell him why your religion is important to you and how much it would mean to you if he gave girls within your religion a chance.

4. Ask yourself if you are being unreasonable. If it is the race or appearance of his girlfriends that bothers you, your son may be hurt and offended. He may want you to see his girlfriend for what she is as a person instead of her outside appearance.

5. See a therapist if you have irrational fears or reservations against his choice of girlfriends that you haven't been able to overcome. Talk to your husband, best friend or read online forums for support to get used to the idea. Remember that therapy isn't for "crazy" people, but for people who want to improve their personalities or just find some peace in difficult situations.

Tips & Warnings

• If you find that you have too much free time on your hands and can't stop thinking about your son's choices, take up a new hobby.

• Go for a run to let off steam.

References

• University of Delaware Cooperataive Extension; Families Matter; Patricia Tanner Nelson, Ed.D.