Steps to Take for a Successful Divorce

Stay positive during difficult times and focus on the future.

You may think that the term, "successful divorce" is an oxymoron; but I assure you that it is not. Ending a marriage itself, is an extremely difficult process. However, divorce is also about re-establishing your new and separate life. The focus should be on the future, and not a re-hashing of the past. If, in the end, you are able to look back on the divorce and realize that you and your ex-spouse put the needs of the children first, kept your interactions amiable, and that your communication skills have improved -- then you may indeed, consider the divorce a success..

Instructions

1. Inform your spouse of the decision to seek a divorce. Emphasize that this decision has not been reached lightly, nor is it impulsive. Do not make any accusations or threats.

2. Agree to always act in the best interests of the children. Do not use children as pawns or bargaining chips.

3. Decide which divorce format that you will follow. The three most common formats are mediation, litigation and collaboration. Each one has a different legal representation and cost structure.

4. Share complete and accurate financial information with your spouse. Usually you will provide three years worth of financial information. This will include copies of bank and investment account statements, information on life insurance, and retirement benefits

5. Prepare a budget. You must have an accurate understanding of the amount of money that you will need in the future. Keep in mind that child support received has no tax implications.

6. Retain a financial adviser to review all the financial data that you have gathered. It is important that you understand the characteristics of assets that you may be sharing, and the tax implications of any actions which you take.

7. See a therapist. While you are going through divorce, you will be on an emotional rollercoaster and that does not lend itself to making good decisions.

8. Commit to treating all parties involved with respect and dignity. It is the marriage that is being dissolved, not the family.

Tips & Warnings

• Divorce is recognized as a major cause of stress. It is expected that you will experience a broad spectrum of emotions. However, it is important to remain focused and expect a positive outcome.

• Disclose any history of abuse to the professionals that you work with. Often, a history of abuse may eliminate mediation as a choice.

• If you retain professionals you should listen to them and follow their instructions.

• Once a divorce is finalized, it is extremely difficult to reopen and renegotiate property settlements.