How to Handle Unsupportive Parents

Embracing your independence may be the best way to have more supportive relationships with your parents in adulthood.

When parents' expectations for their children conflict with the children's expectations for themselves, family relationships suffer. At times, the pain caused by a lack of parental support is an important indicator that children are actually in danger. However, some unsupportive parents have purely personal motivations for withdrawing support from their children, especially when the children reach adulthood. In extreme cases, children must sever ties with their parents in order to avoid constant feelings of guilt and depression. Fortunately, most individuals can take steps to deal with unsupportive parents in a way that preserves a healthy family structure.

Instructions

Handling Unsupportive Parents

1. See your parents' point of view. It may seem counterintuitive to exert energy considering a viewpoint that contradicts with what you want. However, this is exactly what you've asked your parents to do for you, so experiencing this complex feeling yourself may help you relate to them more effectively. Likewise, understanding their point of view can help you recognize specific reasons for why they have withdrawn their support. When you have a better idea of how they are perceiving the situation, then you can do more to repair it. Seeing their point of view shows respect, and parents who feel respected will probably be more supportive of your ideas even if they personally disagree with them.

2. Be clear, honest and direct. Resisting the tendency to become overly angry or emotional makes you appear more confident and gives you a great sense of credibility. Likewise, if you make it easy to understand what you want and why you want it, it becomes difficult to deny support for personal reasons without at least admitting that these reasons are personal and not based on solid facts. Even if your parents remain unsupportive, you will suffer less emotional strain as a result of their actions and may find it easier to gain support from other people. Listing the facts about a topic before discussing it with your parents may help you remain clear-headed.

3. Embrace your independence. Accepting the idea that you are ultimately responsible for your own well-being will free you from codependent relationships and will help you realize your full potential financially, professionally and emotionally. You will develop confidence, resilience and resourcefulness. You will also be able to maintain a relationship with your parents that is built on open communication and a shared history rather than on whether or not you have their support.

References

• TeensHealth.org: "Talking to Your Parents--Or Other Adults"; D'Arcy Lyness; 2009.