How to Determine Who Gets Child Custody

If you are involved in or are facing a custody case, you probably feel angry, hurt and worried that you will lose. Whether you are going to reach an agreement with your ex-spouse or whether you are going to go to court, you need to know what factors a court will consider in deciding custody. The court's primary focus will be on what will be best for your child.

Difficulty: Moderately challenging

Instructions

1. Realize that custody is determined based only on what is best for the child. When you and your ex-spouse try to decide about custody or when a court makes a decision, the primary consideration should be what will benefit the child most.

2. Ask yourself which parent has the most time available to spend with the child. Courts prefer to give custody to the parent who can be with the child most. Time with a parent is preferred to time with a sitter.

3. Look at each parent's past. A parent who has abused a child, used drugs, committed a crime or had a lifestyle the court would frown on is less likely to be awarded custody.

4. Think about each parent's extended family and ties to the community. Courts prefer that children have grandparents, cousins, friends and neighbors. Parents who move frequently and do not develop these relationships are at a disadvantage.

5. Know that religion is also important. If a court must choose between a parent who practices a religion and one who does not, the one who practices will be favored.

6. Understand that what older children think matters. Once children are 12 or 13, some courts consider their opinions about where they want to live. The children do not get to decide, but what they think is taken into account.

7. Consider which parent is better able to support a child financially, emotionally and intellectually. This does not mean you must be a rich genius to get custody. Parents must be able to provide a home, food, clothing, love, encouragement and learning opportunities for their children.

8. Decide who has been the primary caretaker. Usually, one parent spends more time caring for the child. Courts prefer to continue that relationship and make as few changes to the child's life as possible.

9. Think about each parent's home. A child needs to live in a home that is safe, clean, stable, warm and nurturing.

Tips & Warnings

• The factors considered in custody cases are different in each state. Consult an attorney in your area for local information.
• Courts determine custody based on what is best for the individual child. The parents' needs and feelings always come second to the children's.
• The horrible things your ex-spouse has said or done to you do not matter in a custody case (unless they are criminal). The court cares only about what the child needs and where those needs can best be met.
• Although custody is a very emotional subject, it is important to focus on your child. Do not express your anger in front of the child. Make sure your child understands that both parents will always love him or her and that the break up is not his or her fault.
• After reading this, you may believe that you are the parent who should have custody. Your ex-spouse may believe the opposite. A court will look at all the facts presented to determine custody. You may not get the result you want or believe to be right. To make sure your point of view is fully presented to the court, hire an attorney who specializes in custody matters.