How to Negotiate Child Custody in Court

Remaining calm will help you negotiate in court. Bring a settlement proposal with you. Knowing how to deal with attorneys and how to negotiate will help you reach a settlement.

Difficulty: Moderate

Instructions

1. Hire an attorney who is experienced in custody matters. Explain that you'd like to try to negotiate a settlement. Tell the attorney what types of arrangements you'd be willing to agree to.

2. Understand the law. If you choose not to hire an attorney, make sure you understand the options allowed by your state for custody and visitation.

3. Consider mediation. An experienced mediator can help you and the other parent reach a fair agreement. Often it's simpler to work with a mediator than to try to work things out on your own. You can use mediation before your case goes to court. Once you've appeared in court, you can ask the judge to delay the case to try mediation.

4. Come to court with some ideas for a settlement. Think of as many possibilities as you can. Be prepared to be flexible.

5. Try to be fair. Your child has two parents and, in most cases, should spend time with both of them. Don't try to cut the other parent out of the picture completely. Realize that a compromise means each person may not get everything he or she wants. Give and take is necessary.

6. Decide what things you're willing to give up to get what you want and what things you cannot give up. Give up one thing at a time, as it becomes necessary to get something you want. Don't reveal your bottom line at the beginning of negotiations.

7. Suppress your anger. Whether you're working with an attorney or representing yourself, being angry during court appearances helps no one. You must be able to think and talk rationally to negotiate a settlement. The judge will appreciate your calm manner.

8. Talk to the other parent before coming to court. Court waiting rooms are often crowded and difficult to talk in. Discuss settlement options before you get to court.

9. Realize you may have to talk to the other parent's attorney. Don't be intimidated or afraid. Be polite and straightforward.

10. Know that there may be a Law Guardian or Guardian ad Litem. In some states, this is an attorney appointed by the court to represent your child. If this is the case in your state, this attorney must agree to any settlement. Be polite and clear with this attorney about what you want and why.

11. Don't expect the judge to help settle the case. The judge is there to make a decision based on the evidence that is presented.

12. Ask if the court schedules pretrial, settlement or mediation conferences. Often these are held by court staff or mediation agencies. Such conferences can help you and the other parent reach a settlement.

13. Be prepared for the court to schedule a trial date, even if you're trying to negotiate a settlement. You can settle your case at any time before the trial ends.

14. Keep trying to reach a compromise throughout the entire process. Many settlements are not reached until close to the trial.

Tips & Warnings

• It can be helpful to come to court with a typed, detailed proposal for custody and visitation. Give it to the other parent or his or her attorney. It often can provide a place to start negotiations.
• If the other parent's attorney is unwilling to talk to you about a settlement, politely and calmly explain to the judge that you would like to reach a compromise but that the attorney seems unwilling to discuss it with you. The judge may direct the attorney to meet with you.
• If you do reach an agreement, it will have to be presented to the court and approved by the judge. Once you have the agreement approved, it becomes effective and you won't have to return to court.
• If you cannot reach an agreement, you'll have a trial. Most decisions made by judges are fair, so don't be afraid of the result.
• Don't sign any settlement papers without having an attorney review them. If you don't have an attorney, be sure you understand everything in the document before signing.
• Understand that you and your child will have to live with whatever is agreed to, so be sure it will work.
• Don't agree to anything that you believe will harm your child or keep you from seeing your child.

[angela45634]

on 5/3/2009 i have custody of my nephew but im afraid the my sister is going to get him back. she is not whats best for him he was abused

[bobtucker]

on 2/26/2009 If you're going into custody court you better go prepared. Whichever party is more prepared is going to get the better custody arrangement. And DON'T JUST LEAVE IT TO YOUR ATTORNEY, if you have one. Look into the resources you have available. I created a child custody calendar through Custody X Change and the judge was VERY impressed. I think that's what got my order approved. Google around, there's other software

[fefifofum]

on 12/17/2008 dont forget to take some type of calming meds to help ur nerve's athanks for the info great advice

[cause]

on 8/9/2008 Warnings: Do not emotionally attach yourself to your case. Be specific and calm. I had entirely to much emotional attachment to my case and instead of getting custody of my children I am not goinging into a 604.5. Regardless of the things he was doing to my children because I was emotional the evaluator chose him for sole legal custdoy. He chose to give us equal parenting time but decisions to my ex-husband.

This was my fault. I reacted everytime he did something to my children in a very defensive manner. It did not matter what he was doing to them. Everyone knew he was wrong but they believed I was more in the wrong for reacting. Although that is difficult to understand it is my reality.

There is not place in the system for an emotional mom who believes she is fighting for her kids. This is advice that was never given to me. My lawyer did nothing to protect me from the syste