How to Help a Child Heal After a Broken Relationship

Take a walk when discussing a breakup with your child so you can be alone without distractions.

Broken romantic relationships are common. These break-ups are hard on the adults involved and they can be just as difficult for their children. Many kids blame themselves when a marriage or significant relationship fails and they can grieve the dissolution along with the principals. As a parent, it is your job to help a child heal after a broken relationship.

Instructions

1. Allow children to ask questions and answer them honestly. Give them information in general terms but do not overburden them with specifics. Instead, give your child permission to keep on being a child despite the changes that are occurring in his life.

2. Absolve your kid of all blame. Do this verbally so your child is relieved of any guilt associated with the break-up. Reassure her that she is loved by both individuals.

3. Refrain from speaking negatively about your former partner. Helpguide.org says to stay away from the "blame game" so that your child does not have to listen to the gory details of what you perceive as your partner's mistakes. Though you are hurting and angry, it is detrimental to your child to hear you bash a person that is (or was) a significant part of your lives.

4. Recognize your child's need for routine. Don't add unnecessary changes to further disrupt his world. Keep it as normal as possible by not abandoning extracurricular activities, dinner at the table and set bedtimes. Routine provides kids with stability and comforts them.

5. Allow your child to see your former partner frequently, if possible. Their relationship is likely very important to them both and should not be dissolved because the two adults are no longer a couple.

6. Permit your child to express her emotions. Break-ups cause anger and sadness which should not be suppressed. Allow the tears to flow as you give her a shoulder on which to lean. Give your child an outlet for aggressive emotions by letting her hit a punching bag or run laps around a track.

7. Get professional help when you need it. Sometimes you cannot cope with both your child's grief and your own following a broken relationship. Find a counselor that can help you both deal with your emotions and help you both move forward.

Tips & Warnings

• Take care of yourself during this time so you can help your child. Make sure you are eating right, getting enough sleep and exercising. The better you feel, the more you will be able to do it for your offspring.

• Don't try to buy your child's happiness back with elaborate gifts. It will not work in the long run and children should not associate break-ups with receiving material objects.

References

• Helpguide.org: Children and Divorce: Helping Your Child Cope With the Effects of Separation and Divorce