How to Get Over Putting Your Baby Up for Adoption
Giving up a child for adoption is no easy decision. The process is stressful and emotional, and birth parents must cope with their decision for the rest of their lives. Working through grief does not mean you have to forget your child. Rather, it is a way to take positive steps toward dealing with the decision so you can live a happy and fulfilled life knowing that you made the best choice for you and your baby.
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Instructions
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Host an entrustment ceremony. These ceremonies typically take place at the hospital shortly after the baby is born. During the ceremony, the birth parents formally give the baby to the adoptive parents. It allows the birth parents to say good-bye to their child and gives them a sense of control of the situation.
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Create ongoing rituals and traditions. For instance, write a letter to the baby every year on his or her birthday, and plant a tree in the child's honor. These traditions will help you acknowledge and face your loss, but also recognize that the child has not forgotten.
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Educate yourself through reading books or articles on coping with the adoption process. For instance, "Dear Birthmother" by Kathleen Silber and Phyllis Speedlin offers valuable insights for birthmothers. The book features letters between birthmothers and adoptive parents, and between birthmothers and their children.
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Start writing in a journal. Birth parents can use journals to help them through their grieving process. Through journaling, you'll have an outlet for your emotions. In time, journals will help to provide some perspective on your situation. Journals can also help you to remember details you may have otherwise forgotten about.
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Join a support group. Support groups will allow you to meet and speak with other parents who have placed their children with adoptive families. You can turn to these groups to prepare for the delivery day if you have not yet had the child, or you can simply use them as a support system that can help you through any difficult times you come across. The Sunflower Birthmom Support Group is one option; it is an email support group in which members discuss everything from reunion issues to search efforts. Concerned United Birthparents is another option that provides support.
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Seek help from counselors or therapists. These trained professionals can help you talk through the emotions you're feeling and can offer you advice and know-how as a neutral third party in your life. It's important to fully feel your grief, and counselors can help you work through your grieving process in a healthy, constructive manner.
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- Photo Credit journal image by Ewe Degiampietro from Fotolia.com
