How to Overcome Materialism and Selfishness in Children

Learning to share

Many parents are concerned when they see their children being materialistic and selfish and want to help them overcome these behaviors. There are many reasons why children are selfish. Parents may not teach them about the value of being selfless, may be spoiling or neglecting them or may not place a high priority on discipline and boundaries. Parents or family members may model selfishness. Children may have difficulty empathizing with others or may be self-centered because of emotional problems like anxiety, anger or depression. Materialism can be connected to selfishness but can also stem from a lacking of understanding about managing finances.

Instructions

Selfishness

1. Set clear standards, and don't tolerate selfish behavior. Clearly state your objections when your children break your rules. Say things like, "Don't be selfish and keep the toys to yourself. Share them with others." Explain to them why their behavior is wrong, and give negative consequences if they continue that behavior. Don't be afraid to say no.

2. Nurture feelings of empathy in your children. Empathy is the ability to understand how other people feel. Ask your children to look at other people's facial expressions and body language in different emotional states to determine where they are coming from. Ask your children to imagine someone else's feelings.

3. Maintain clear limits for their behavior. Talk to other family members who are overindulging the children, and firmly inform them that you expect their cooperation in curbing your children's selfish attitude.

4. Reinforce selflessness in your children by pointing out the benefits of their behavior. Say things like, "Mary is smiling because she is so happy you shared your toys."

Materialism

1. Teach money management skills from an early age to counter the bombardment of advertising messages telling children what they must have. Emphasize the value of saving versus spending. Set an example of good money management yourself.

2. Have your children make a list of things they need and desire, and prioritize it. Use the Internet to research prices, and comparison shop with your children. Ask them to take time to think about making a purchase before doing it to prevent impulse buying.

3. Help your children plan a budget for any expenses that they have to pay, and set financial goals, such as saving for a toy. When you go shopping, ask them to figure out how much things cost and what their money will buy.

Tips & Warnings

• Open a savings account for any money your children receive. This money could come from allowance or payment for odd jobs.

• If your daughter always seems to be on a shopping spree, she may be struggling with low self-esteem. If this is not addressed, it can lead to depression and increased anxiety.

References

• Parents Magazine, Michele Borba, EdD: "Curbing Selfish Behavior"
• Parents Magazine, Dr. Dorothy Rich: "Teaching Kids About Money: Helping Kids to Be Less Materialistic"
• Parenting Bookmark, Anne Mattos-Leedom: "Will Your Child become a Saver or a Spender?"