How to Remember My Deceased Brother at a Church Wedding

Ask the florist to incorporate a piece of your brother's jewelry into your wedding flowers.

Your wedding day is an emotional time. It can be even more emotional if a much-loved brother has died before he can celebrate with you. You may find it comforting to add little touches to your wedding that will make you feel as though your brother is there with you in spirit, even though he can't be there in person. By honoring the memory of your brother on your special day, you will be paying tribute to your first family as you and your spouse begin a new one.

Things You'll Need

• Framed photograph of your brother
• Single white rose
• Wedding programs (optional)
• Memorabilia -- a ring, pin, tie tack or other item that belonged to your brother
• Locket or locket cuff links holding your brother's photograph

Instructions

1. Place a votive candle near a framed photograph of your brother on the altar. As you approach the altar at the beginning of the wedding, step up and place the white rose next to the picture frame. Light the candle.

2. Ask the officiant to conduct a short memorial ceremony before the wedding ceremony begins. Include the words "Memorial Ceremony for" in your wedding program, if you have one, along with your brother's name. The ceremony may consist of a brief prayer or reading and a short explanation of who your brother was.

3. Add a line on the back of your wedding program that reads "In Memoriam," followed by your brother's name. Include a short poem or a quote that was a favorite of his, a photo of him or a small drawing of a religious symbol or a dove.

4. Include a single white rose in your wedding bouquet or boutonniere to represent your brother's memory. Have the florist attach a ring, pin, tie tack or other piece of your brother's jewelry to your bouquet or boutonniere. Wear a locket or locket cuff links containing a photograph of your brother.

Tips & Warnings

• Have a memorial table at the reception if you are uncomfortable including it in your wedding ceremony. Place a candle on a table near a photograph of your brother and any other deceased relatives and friends. Add a blank book and a pen so your guests can jot down reminiscences if they are so inclined.

• Don't be pressured into including a memorial service in your wedding ceremony if it makes you or your fiancee uncomfortable. It is entirely appropriate for the two of you to be the sole objects of attention on your wedding day.

References

• Aisle Dash: Wedding Memorial: Special Ways to Honor Loved Ones, Heather Hawkins
• Forever Wed: Wedding Programs Honoring Deceased Loved Ones
• Your Wedding Place: In Memoriam -- Remembering Loved Ones at your Wedding Ceremony, Kenneth Koch