How to Deal With a Blended Family
Blended families are becoming more common in America, with around one-third of children expected to be part of a step-family before they reach 18 according to HelpGuide.org. Being part of a blended family can be difficult for both the adults and children. Each family is used to certain rules and traditions that may not always mesh well together. While the blended family may not be perfect overnight, there are things to bear in mind that can help you achieve a smooth transition.
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Instructions
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Understand primarily that your blended family is unlikely to be perfect right away. It is important you accept that when two families combine it can take a period of time for things to settle. If there are children on both sides, they will need time to get used to each other as well as their new step-parent.
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Learn about your partner's children and vice versa. Include the children in decisions, especially ones that concern the entire family. Children of blended families can tend to feel left out or ignored, according to a North Carolina State University website.
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Explain to the children that their absent parent is still an important part of their lives and that they have not abandoned them. Let the children know you are not trying to replace their father or mother. You may have to deal with some conflict and even manipulation particularly if the children try to play you and the biological parent off each other
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Offer everyone in the family including children a chance to air any frustrations they may have. This could be in the form of a family meeting or as a one to one with a parent. It is important, particularly when the family first moves in together, that everyone in the family has a chance to speak up about any concerns they have. This should prevent tensions from building up within the family.
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Try not to enforce the rules with your partner's children, at least not at first and the same goes for your partner with your children. You should attempt to work together to make house rules and encourage respect from the children. Children do not like being told what to do by any adults much less someone who they do not see as a parent. They may react badly to discipline at first, either verbally or through bad behavior. Over time issues should be resolved as a family rather than a one on one until the children understand both adults deserve the same level of respect.
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Make sure you are consistent and stick to a routine in order to make all children of the new family feel comfortable. If certain plans are made, then these need to be stuck to. Avoid changing your mind or letting the children down. All children like routine as well as knowing they can rely on the adults in their life.
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Tips & Warnings
Studies have indicated that it can take anywhere between three and five years for a blended family to fully adjust to each other says the North Carolina State University study.
References
- Photo Credit family with two children sit on meadow and trees 2 image by Pavel Losevsky from Fotolia.com
