How to Forgive Infidelity in a Marriage

It is possible to be happy again after your spouse was unfaithful.

More than 50 percent of spouses have been victims of infidelity at some point in time. You may feel betrayed and hurt, and you may wonder how you will get through it and move on within your marriage. Forgiving your spouse is definitely not easy, but it is possible to do once you make the decision to keep your marriage and forgive your spouse for his infidelity. You may find it hard to believe, but you can even be happy again.

Instructions

1. Make the decision to forgive your spouse. Decide that you are willing to let go of the affair and move on. Say out loud to yourself that you will forgive your spouse. Give yourself permission to be happy again.

2. Change your emotional response to the affair. View yourself as a survivor, not as a victim. Refrain from using "should's" in your thoughts about your spouse; love her for who she is rather than who you want her to be. Remind yourself to live in reality rather than in your expectations.

3. Try to forgive. It may take a while before you are actually able to forgive your spouse, but trying is an important step. Don't bring the affair into other arguments to punish your spouse. Try to treat your spouse the way you did before the affair, or in a whole new way as long as it's with love and respect.

4. Practice forgiveness by focusing on other "acts of forgiveness." Forgive other people for less significant wrongdoings; forgive a stranger who cuts in line at the store, your sister for not calling you back, or even your spouse for using all the milk. Focusing on smaller acts of forgiveness will pave the way for you as you try to forgive your spouse for his infidelity.

5. Emphasize your spouse's positive qualities. Pay your spouse a compliment every day, or tell her one reason why you love her, and mean it. This can be as simple as "You made a delicious dinner" or something meaningful such as "You are a wonderful parent." This will get you thinking about things you love about your spouse and help you focus on her positive aspects. This step is especially important if you need reminders of why you want to stay married.

Tips & Warnings

• Consider seeing a marriage counselor either as a couple or alone.

References

• Go Ask Suzie.com: Happiness After Infidelity
• Marriage Builders: How to Survive Infidelity
• Marriage Counseling Guide: Forgiving Infidelity