How to Confront an Alcoholic Husband
Alcoholism does not just affect the person who is drinking, but the entire family. It can cause depression in family members, trust issues, mood swings, lying and a whole host of other issues. Alcoholism is not something to be taken lightly and if you suspect your spouse may have a drinking problem, you need to choose your timing and wording careful when confronting them. Alcoholics are traditionally extremely defensive about their drinking and approaching the problem in the wrong manner may produce unwanted results.
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Instructions
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Don't Ignore The Problem
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Be prepared for emotions. You are about to put someone you love in the spotlight for an issue that has no doubt been a point of contention between you and your spouse for some time. This is going to elicit an emotional response from you and your spouse. The emotions coming from your spouse may include anger and defensiveness.
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Pick your timing. Confronting an alcoholic while they are drunk may not work in your favor. Just because you are upset that they are drunk and are ready to explode with emotion does not mean your spouse is in any condition to listen. According to the website Lifescript, "The drunk will tune out the criticism for the time being, or forget about it the next day, when sober, and thus be unable to do anything about it." Choose a time when you can be as calm and in control of your emotions as possible when you confront your spouse.
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Do not waiver. When you confront your spouse, you must be firm and 100 percent crystal-clear when you state your case. You cannot leave any opportunity for loopholes or arguments from your spouse. "You may need to list dates, frequency of bad behavior, amounts of alcohol consumed or sums of money spent on drinking and other data to support your claims," according to Lifescript. Through your tone of voice and the words you choose, do not allow any room for doubt in your spouse's mind that this is a problem and it is serious.
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Use available support. There are many organizations that provide support to alcoholics and their families. If you attend church, you may wish for your priest or minister to be with you when you confront your spouse. Al-Anon, an organization dedicated to helping families of alcoholics, can also provide support. Do not feel you have to do this alone. Have additional family members to support you and help state your case to your spouse if they have observed the alcoholic behavior.
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Have a plan. If you tell your spouse that you will leave him if he does not stop drinking, be willing to stick to your words. Your spouse will be able to detect false statements and he will not change his behavior unless he fears the repercussions. Go into the confrontation with information. Have a list of available, local Alcoholics Anonymous meetings so you and your spouse can discuss them. If you want your spouse to go into a residential detox program, then have that information on hand as well to be able to answer any question.
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Don't waste time. It has taken a lot of courage and effort to confront your spouse and you want to build on that momentum. Suggest that your spouse attend a meeting right away or the next day at the latest. Remove any alcohol from your home to prevent temptation. Realistically, you cannot expect someone to simply step away from an illness such as alcoholism, but you must set up a plan for change as quickly as possible and keep the ball rolling once the plan has been set in motion.
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References
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