How to Deal With a Daughter-In-Law Control Freak

Do not let an overbearing daughter-in-law ruin your relationship with your son.

When you hold your newborn baby boy in your hands you dream of his idyllic childhood and how you will help him grow into an amazing young man. He does. Then he gets married to a control freak and everything rapidly begins to change. Your daughter-in-law takes charge over every situation and causes tension regularly. These tips will help you know what to do to keep in optimum good graces with your daughter-in-law, which also will keep your relationship with your son and grandchildren peaceful.

Instructions

Bite Your Tongue

1. 

   Do not offer advice unless she asks for it.

   Realize and accept the fact that you are not going to change her. The more you butt heads with her, the more she will distance herself from you.

2. Keep quiet during tense situations. This requires major self-discipline. It may take some time to acquire this skill. The last thing she wants to hear is that you think she should do things differently.

3. Quietly excuse yourself any time you feel you cannot overcome the urge to tell her off. This will eliminate awkward arguments and countless hours of heartache and regret.

4. Be pleasant when she tells you the way she wants things done. Smile and offer to help her achieve her goal, even if you would do it a completely different way. Take the high road whenever you can. Do not be small in any way.

Relate To Her

1. 

   Relating to her will soften your feelings.

   Recall what it felt like when you had a new mother-in-law. It is not easy for anyone. You have adjustments to make, and family quirks to take in and deal with. Try to empathize.

2. Find something you two have in common and find ways to do it together. If you both like plays, take her to one each year for her birthday. If you both like a particular artist, forward your daughter-in-law articles and events featuring the artist. If nothing else, forming a bond over something outside of the family will give you something to talk about each time you see her.

3. Ask your daughter-in-law questions about herself regularly. Find out what her likes and dislikes are. Ask about her friends. People often like to talk about themselves and this will add insight into why she is the way she is. It will also show her that you are putting forth an effort to know her better.

Be A Great Grandma

1. 

   There is noting like the bond between a grandma and her grandkids.

   Let her see how much you truly love her children. Even if things are strained between you and your daughter-in-law, there is no reason the children should be affected.

2. Never speak ill of your grandchildren's mother in front of them. Involving the grandkids in any adult spat is selfish and can easily backfire; kids generally defend their mother.

3. Tell her all the cute things the grandchildren say to you or do when they are with you. You can bond over the adorableness of the kids. You both love them and that should show above everything.

Help Out

1. 

   She will appreciate the fact that you are there for her when she needs you.

   Cook meals that you know she loves when your son's family visits. Drop off an occasional meal when you know your daughter-in-law is super busy. Give her your family's recipes that have been passed down.

2. Babysit the grandkids often. Having them to yourselves is a treat. Plus, you can get to know them better without her watchful eyes on you all the time.

3. Offer to watch over their house, pets and plants when they travel. Do not snoop when you are at their house.

4. Send care-packages regularly if you live far away. This is an easy way to stay connected.

5. Do not stop by unannounced. Besides being rude, it is intrusive. Plus, you may catch her at an inconvenient time.

Give Great Gifts

1. 

   Buying gifts for her is one area where you will have total control.

   Be the first to call your daughter-in-law on her birthday. Send a card as well and write something meaningful in it every year instead of just signing your name.

2. Know what she likes and, more importantly, what she does not like. Put thought into her gifts so that she will have no choice but to love them.

3. Acknowledge the work that she puts in with her household and her family. Send her for a massage, pedicure or facial to show her that you think she deserves relaxation.

References

• Daughter-in-Law / Mother-in-Law Relationship: The Smooth and The Rough
• That Evil Daughter-in-Law
• How to Deal With a Difficult Daughter-in-Law