How to Cue Kids to Follow Directions

Children want to be cued, but do not always know what you want.

Cuing children to follow directions requires discipline for the parent and child. Discipline for the parent requires spending as much time as needed cuing their child before giving directions. Discipline for the child requires learning how to sense and respond to parental cues, so there is also a developmental aspect. Specific objectives, words, phrases, body language and positive reinforcement will give the parents excellent tools in getting their child to pay attention when the situation calls for it, that is, when the parent is giving out cues.

Things You'll Need

• Parent
• Child

Instructions

1. 

   Use good manners with children and they will use good manners with you.

   Use words and simple language that you know the child will understand. If you use words above a child's understanding, this will frustrate her. Cuing children is best with easy words like "stop" or "please."

2. 

   Communicating the urgency of time is an important way to cue children.

   Phrases that convey wise advice, when repeated enough times, will cue children to act right. Proverbs such as "a stitch in time saves nine," or "nobody is perfect" might at first be out of the child's ability to grasp the meaning, but as you use these phrases in their proper context, this will cue children to think about the personal benefits of doing as you ask.

3. 

   Using gestures help children learn how to read body language.

   Body language, including voice control, is an effective tool in cuing children. If something in the home, such as a fireplace, is dangerous and they wander near it, saying "wrong" might not be enough. Putting a strong tone to the word will add importance. Strong tones of voice should be reserved only for extremely important situations. Pointing with your hands, shrugging your shoulders and over-exaggerated facial expressions are all effective tools for cuing children.

4. 

   Awarding ribbons to your children for a job well done is a great way to cue and foster bonding.

   Positive reinforcement is a great way to cue children because it makes everything positive. While there is a fine line between bribery and reinforcement, if used sparingly, rewarding children with something they like or enjoy after complying with a request will help children associate good behavior with positive outcomes. Research shows that intermittent rewards are more effective than a 100% reward system.

5. 

   An egg timer is a great investment for any family with small children.

   Use sounds, like timer bells, to let children know when it is time to transition. Teachers have been using this trick ever since the egg timer was invented. If you associate specific activities with specific sounds, then a child will be cued without even being aware of it. Words and phrases used with very specific types of voice (even singing) can help cue children, especially in transition situations.

Tips & Warnings

• Saying "no" too often does not work as children learn to ignore over-used words, so use a word like "wrong" instead to have greater effect when the situation calls for it.

• Discipline does not have to be negative. Timeouts and a stern voice might cause crying at first, but in the end, making up helps bonding between parents and children.

• When your children are not taking your cues, stay calm, as children can sense when you are stressed.

• Have patience as these methods take time and reinforcement. Give yourself some reinforcement as well, such as a reward when you get your child(ren) to comply.

References

• Kids' Behaviour: Communicating with Children
• Parenting Science: Social Skills Activities for Children and Teenagers
• Developmental Science: Adults' social cues facilitate young children's use of signs and symbols

Resources

• Kids Health: Disciplining Your Child