How to Stop the Cycle of Verbal Abuse

Abusive words, especially those spoken by parents to their children, can leave scars that last well into adulthood. Verbal abuse is classified as anything that diminishes a child's sense of self-worth. Telling a child that she is stupid, fat or ugly and that she was a mistake are examples of verbal abuse. Adults who were abused as children tend to have unrealistic expectations of how their children should behave based on the unrealistic expectations placed on them. As a result, they lash out, using the same abusive insults that they received as children. Breaking a cycle of abuse is crucial in preventing abused children from growing up to be abusers themselves.

Instructions

1. Have realistic expectations for child behavior. Familiarize yourself with what is age-appropriate behavior for your child. Minimize parental frustration by knowing what you can and cannot expect your child to be able to handle. That way you are less likely to lash out at him for acting in a way that is to be expected for his age.

2. Take good care of yourself. Make sure that you are getting adequate amounts of rest. Sleep deprivation is one of the factors that cause well-meaning parents to feel overwhelmed. As a result, they take their stress out on their children. Be good to yourself, so you can be good to those around you.

3. Learn to control your own emotions. If you were the victim of verbal abuse, you may have difficulty recognizing and dealing with your emotions. You may have repressed them as a child out of fear of further abuse. As an adult you may find that you go into fits of rage without understanding why. Pinpoint what your emotional triggers are and try to avoid them. Figure out how to decrease your stress level. Find alternative ways to deal with work related stress, so you don't take your frustration out on your children.

4. Develop new parenting techniques. It's one thing to say that you will not treat your children the way you were treated, but it's another to actually put your words into action. Increase your chances of success by learning new discipline strategies that you can call upon when your child is misbehaving. Learn to set clear boundaries with your children. Ask other parents for advice or consult parenting books, classes or seminars. If you don't, you may find yourself replicating the same abuse behavior toward your own children.

5. Seek professional help. If you become overwhelmed and find yourself slipping into bad habits speak with someone who can help you regain control. Therapy, counseling and parenting classes are just a few of the options available to help you deal with the issue of abuse.

References

• Vachss.com: You Carry the Cure In Your Own Heart
• Help Guide: Recognizing and Preventing Child Abuse