How to Treat Elderly Parents With Respect
As your parents age, your role in their lives will change. You might have to take on more responsibility for their health care and assist them in day-to-day living activities. This can create tension in the relationship that might make it difficult to treat your elderly parents with the respect you know they deserve. As your parents face their loss of independence and you add the responsibility of caring for them to your schedule, it is important to keep in mind some basic communication strategies to assist everyone in remaining respectful and compassionate.
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Instructions
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Communicate with your elderly parents about their wishes, concerns and preferences regarding their aging process. The earlier you can discuss matters such as assisted living care, driving and how they might want you to help them around the house, the better. While these conversations can be difficult, they can also clarify expectations and aid in keeping everyone on the same page. This sort of conversation also allows your parents to still feel in control of their own lives, which is important to making them feel respected.
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Avoid making decisions for your parents. If your parents are not exhibiting signs of dementia or other cognitive degeneration and do not seem to be making decisions that put them in obvious danger then allow them to continue to make decisions about their lives. While you may not agree with every decision they make, it is respectful to honor the experiences they do have in managing their own lives. Additionally, beginning to make decisions too early for your parents can create an unnecessary dependence on you before it is necessary. This dependency can leave you feeling burdened and stressed, which will make it more difficult to remain respectful.
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Use honesty, not promises when communicating with your parents about the aging process. For example, do not promise them that they will never have to go into a nursing home. You have no way of predicting what level of care your parents may or may not need in the future. Instead, honestly discuss various levels of care available to your parents as they age. Honesty is both a sign of respect and an acknowledgement that you are not afraid to discuss the difficult matters related to aging.
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Deal with your own emotions about your parents mortality, your own mortality and your stress related to care giving. This could mean finding a friend to confide in during difficult times, a support group or a therapist. Whatever you do, do not take out your fears or frustrations out on your parents. If you need a break from care giving, take one. When you return you will be more relaxed and better able to communicate respectfully with your parents.
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Tips & Warnings
Do not make every conversation with your parents about their care or health. Your parents likely still have plenty of other interests that they'd be interested in discussing or even participating in with you. Make time for fun as it reminds your parents that you still respect them as capable people with the ability to be active.
If you worry that your parent suffers from dementia, Alzheimer's or another cognitive disorders that impair his ability to make safe decisions for herself, consult her doctor. Do not assume that your parent is making bad decisions simply because you do not agree with her choices.
References
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