How to Get Your Spouse to Listen
Effective communication is an essential element of maintaining a happy, healthy marriage. However, it can sometimes be difficult to communicate during difficult periods or arguments and one person often feels like he is not being heard. It is important to express yourself in a manner that encourages your spouse to listen with an open mind, even when you are feeling angry and frustrated. If you want to learn how to get your spouse to listen, speak the way you would like to be spoken to and use neutral communication techniques.
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Instructions
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Don't make accusations. People do not respond well to being told what they have done wrong, your spouse included. Never start a discussion by pointing out what your spouse did to make you upset or angry. Talk about your feelings or how his actions directly affected you instead. Accusations are a form of confrontation, which does not promote open listening.
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Make an appointment to talk. Creating a time and place to have a discussion is one of the most effective ways to get your spouse to listen, primarily because he is agreeing to do so. Do not use ominous sentences such as, "We need to talk." Tell your spouse that you want to discuss a specific subject and that you would like to sit down together on a specific date at a specific time. Turn of cell phones and exterior interruptions during your discussion time.
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Use neutral language. Don't tell your spouse that something is "his fault." Always talk about events and actions in terms of how you interpreted them and how they made you feel. For example, use expressions such as, "I feel like" instead of "You are" when stating what doesn't work for you. Never use foul language, insult your spouse or throw low blows where you know it hurts. Just because you are in a position to make him feel bad, doesn't mean you should -- particularly because it does not encourage listening.
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Don't yell or make threats. Screaming and yelling will not make your spouse want to listen; in fact, it will probably make him tune out to what you are saying completely or react in anger. Threatening to leave or divorce your spouse also is not a good technique to get him to listen. Express your feelings in a calm, composed manner and take a break if your spouse starts to yell. Do not encourage or condone yelling as a form of communication and set clear guidelines with your spouse on this subject.
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Tips & Warnings
Try using a marriage counselor to mediate if you are truly unable to get your spouse to listen. Having a neutral third party present can often facilitate discussion and communication in marriages.
