How to Handle Grief During the Holidays

Handling loss during the holidays

Getting through holidays while you are grieving for a loved one can be stressful and emotionally confusing. You may feel that long-held traditions can never be the same or will be awkward. It can be sad shopping for gifts and seeing something that you know a departed loved one would have really enjoyed receiving. Many professionals who help with the grieving process suggest preparing yourself emotionally for holidays and evaluating what they mean to you. There are things you can do to help you cope and to manage your feelings.

Instructions

1. 

   Dealing with your emotions

   Prepare yourself emotionally. Let yourself know that it is OK to feel sad. Share your feelings with friends and loved ones beforehand. Let them know what you feel up to doing. Tell them specific things you may not be able to handle. Take time for yourself, but do not become isolated.

2. 

   Planning ahead of time

   Plan ahead. List some of the things you feel sad about doing. Invite people to help. Consider having a small pre-holiday party. Get people to help you with decorations, cooking or even shopping. You might even want to consider shopping from catalogs to avoid stress, crowds and noise. Remind yourself that there is no right or wrong way to handle a holiday. Think about new holiday traditions you might want to start.

3. 

   Finding small special things to do

   Get in the spirit with small things. Your loved one can still be part of your holidays through small symbolic acts. Light a candle and put it in a special place. Hang a stocking for your absent loved one. Write a letter to him expressing how you are feeling. Let yourself feel comfortable talking about your loved one. Ask friends and family to make a donation to a charity in her name or to put some note of remembrance in his stocking. Consider getting a gift for a child who might not otherwise get one or volunteering to help with holiday meals at a soup kitchen or shelter.

4. 

   Staying relaxed

   Take care of yourself. Do things that might relax you or that you just enjoy. Go for walks. Watch uplifting or funny movies. Read an inspirational book about dealing with loss or finding inner peace. Let yourself get lots of rest. You do not have to take care of everything, even if that was your role before.

5. 

   Keeping your hope

   Stay hopeful. Think about things you would like to do in the coming year. Make plans for a trip or to accomplish some goal. Doing something new every year can also become a tradition. Think about doing something that you know would have made your loved one smile. Consider starting a journal and recording the process of moving through your grief. Many bereaved eventually learn to enjoy the holidays, often in new and special ways.

References

• GriefNet Library: Coping with Grief during holidays -- Tips for Handling the Holidays
• Sutter Visiting Nurse Association and Hospice: Ten Ways to Cope with Holiday Grief