How to Heal a Marriage Relationship

According to DivorceRate.org, almost half of first marriages end in divorce, as do 60 percent of second marriages and 73 percent of third marriages. Reasons include money issues, life transitions, infidelity, spousal abuse and addictions, noted Joshua Fletcher, a freelance writer for MarriageMax.com. With the right tools, however, a couple can heal a damaged marriage and grow stronger together.

Instructions

1. Find a relationship counselor with which both of you feel comfortable. His training and background should be specifically in couples' counseling, recommends Chicago-based Couple Counseling Associates. The practice should see couples as primary clients, rather than be a general practice, which happens to counsel couples as a sideline. Ask for references and success stories.

2. Make it clear from the beginning that you are seeking counseling to repair the marriage, then work in concert with your therapist to heal the relationship rather than help it to dissolve amicably by addressing issues and finding compromise. If the therapist knows your goals, he will be able to give you realistic expectations and relationship-building "homework" during your sessions. Be honest with your counselor during the process so he has legitimate tools with which to work.

3. Do the homework the counselor has given you. The exercises are important stepping stones to healing the damage and should not be taken lightly. Though the homework might seem elementary to you and your significant other, the counselor might have sensed a need to return to basic communication and relationship-building skills before helping you move forward.

4. Keep journals together and individually to chart your progress and to give you a place to process how you feel each day, noted an article in Selfhelp Magazine. In the journals, don't tell each other how you feel about the other, rather write how you feel about yourself and the present situations and challenges. The journal also can help you put thoughts in order before your next counseling session, making the time with the therapist more productive.

5. Craft a mid-marriage agreement. Akin to a prenuptial agreement, the mid-marriage agreement often is based on emotional promises and relationship responsibilities rather than monetary claims. The mid-marriage agreement should be written under the guidance of the relationship counselor, outlining what is expected of each party and how each should respond if the responsibilities are not addressed.

6. Claim and maintain personal space in your home--a den, corner of the basement, or even the bedroom. Personal space is a physical area that is comforting to you, where you go to be apart from one another from time to time. This space will be sacred and cannot be trespassed by the other. Use this space as an area to regenerate and regroup, read, write, watch a movie or sleep, rather than to escape your partner or partake in secretive endeavors. Time in the personal space should not take place of time together. It should be limited, but respected by your mate.

References

• Divorce Rate: Divorce Rate in America
• Romow: "Most Popular Reasons Why People Get Divorced"
• The Family & Marriage Counseling Directory: A Nationwide Directory for Counselors and Therapists in Your Area
• "Self Help Magazine": Journal Writing and Self Help
• Couple Counseling Associates: Finding Qualified Relationship Help