How to See Both Sides of a Conflict

The best way to resolve a conflict is to look at the situation from both sides.

Conflicts in society are common, both professionally and socially. They often occur because different people have different needs and values, which can lead to disagreements. In most cases, effective conflict resolution is a common goal between the disagreeing parties; however, reaching this goal is not always easy as the nature of conflicts often involve neither side recognizing the other.

Things You'll Need

• Paper
• Pen
• Mediator

Instructions

1. Listen to what the other person has to say when they are explaining their side of the conflict. Even if you do not agree with his argument, listen to his opinion, as this will help you to form your counterargument. An effective way to help clarify his argument is to make a list of the main points. This will allow you to reread his argument at your own pace and help you to consider his side of the conflict.

2. Give yourself a 24-hour cooling off period. During the heat of an argument, it is unlikely that you will be able to think clearly; therefore, cooling down requires detaching yourself from the argument. If you are unable to detach yourself from the situation even after 24 hours, then try to cool yourself off by counting to ten and doing some breathing exercises. This will help to clear your head in a short-term capacity. A good night's sleep will also help you to see both sides of the conflict because you will be able to reassess the situation with a well-rested mind.

3. Ask an objective friend her honest opinion on the conflict. Explain all of the details regarding the situation to her, including the moments that led up to the conflict itself. This will help you gain a neutral perspective on the other person's argument and help you to open your mind to both sides of the conflict.

4. Reflect upon the main points of your argument. Consult the notes that you have taken and try to acknowledge whether you may have been at fault. Conflicts can be an effective way of gaining self-knowledge. Take the time to rethink your argument and you may discover aspects of the conflict that you had not noticed at first.

Tips & Warnings

• Seeing both sides of a conflict can help you to explain your side to the opposing person.

• Try to stay calm; if you raise your voice, it is less likely that you will be able to hear the other person's point of view because you will be concentrating too much own your own opinion.

• Once you've acknowledged both sides of the conflict, you may find that you still do not agree with the opposing side, but this doesn't mean that this exercise has been in vain --- it will help you for future conflicts.

• Heated conflicts may amount to more serious situations. If you find the opposing party is not responding positively to your attempts to see both sides, then walk away from the situation. No conflict is worth risking your personal safety.

References

• "Conflict Mediation Across Cultures: Pathways and Patterns"; David W. Augsburger; 1992
• "Conflict Resolution in the Twenty-first Century: Principles, Methods, and Approaches"; Jacob Bercovitch and Dean Wells; 2009
• Oregon State University: Thinking About Conflict: A Primer