How to Help Someone in a Mentally Abusive Relationship
Emotional or mental abuse can be more difficult to recognize than physical abuse since it does not leave visible evidence. Mental abuse in a relationship involves threats, intimidation, put-downs and betrayal. Mental abuse can look like teasing, bullying and humiliation. Mental abuse can be very harmful. It can undermine a person's confidence, feelings of self-worth and trust. A personal that is being manipulated can experience intense fear and shame. By understand key aspects of mental abuse you may be able to help someone who is going through it to gain insight and seek help.
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Instructions
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Make it clear that mental abuse is abuse. A person in a mentally abusive relationship may have a difficult time seeing the abuse. She may believe her partner's jealousy or controlling behaviors are a way of expressing love. Most victims of mental abuse also believe they deserve to be treated this way and may even blame themselves for provoking their abuser. It is important that you reinforce that they have the right to be treated with respect and that no one deserves to be emotionally harmed by their partner.
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Explain the cycle of abuse. Help your friend to see that mental abuse occurs in specific patterns. For instance, after an angry outburst, the abuser may show remorse. The person being abused may excuse this as a one-time occurrence, and dismiss it, until it happens again. Showing your friend this pattern may help her to understand that the abuse is pervasive. Reinforce that unlike physical abuse, mental abuse tends to happen daily. Being unable to escape negative comments and manipulation on a daily basis can be psychologically harmful.
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Increase your friend's options and help him get help. Victims of mental abuse often do not seek help either because they don't see the abuse or because they don't believe change is possible. Explain that he has options. For instance, individual, couples and group therapies can help someone in a mentally abusive relationship. Support your friend in whatever his decision. If he has been in an abusive relationship for a while, he may feel dis-empowered -- making this decision for himself may help him to increase feelings of self-worth and independence.
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Tips & Warnings
Compassion can be an important tool, although it has to occur on the part of both partners. If your friend is in a relationship where communication is difficult, or if she is being abusive of her partner, encourage her to have compassion and consider how the other person is feeling.
Emotional abuse can escalate into physical abuse. If you believe someone is at risk of physical harm, get help immediately. Call the police, 911 or the National Domestic Violence Hot-line: (800) 799-7233.
