How to Tell Your Date About Your Disability

Good dating communication is key.

Feelings about dating range from exhilarating to tedious. Dating experiences vary from date to date and are often judged on how well two people communicate during the date. When one person has a disability--whether it is immediately noticeable or not--the person may want to address the disability during the course of the date. There are tactics for doing this to help the person with the disability communicate confidently, while helping the person listening feel comfortable and secure with the information.

Instructions

1. 

   Consider not telling if you won't see the person again.

   Decide if you need to tell your date. If the date is not going well or if you know there will be no second date, revealing a hidden disability or even talking about an obvious disability is not necessary. If your disability or illness cannot be seen easily on the outside, there is no reason on the first--and only--date to bring the conversation to such a personal matter, if you don't want to. Your gut feeling will tell you if broaching the subject is necessary or helpful.

2. 

   Speak clearly and confidently about your disability.

   Exude confidence when speaking. Talking about your disability in a negative or sorrowful way can make your date feel uncomfortable and nervous. Matter-of-factly state the disability, how long you've had it and how you work your life around it. The more sure you are of yourself and your convictions, the more a disability blends into the background and the real you comes forward.

3. 

   Practice talking about your disability.

   Plan in advance what you want to say. The basic information about your disability is really all your date needs to know early on. Keep it simple and practice speaking about it to yourself or a trusted friend before you actually deliver the information to your date. Writing down important key points helps to condense information, therefore making it more understandable and manageable to the listener.

4. 

   Your date's reaction is not something you can manipulate.

   Expect your date to be caught off guard if your disability is not noticeable. Allow him to be curious or surprised and realize that any reaction is probably a genuine one. Your job is to be honest in your communication. Understand that you can't control a person's feelings. The only thing you can do in delivering the information is be honest and positive. Answer questions you feel comfortable discussing.

5. Ask for confidentiality. If you were set up on the date by someone who does not know about your disability, talk to your date about keeping the information to herself. Your disability is not open to discussion unless that is OK with you. Speaking in a respectful manner about your disability will help the listener understand any sensitivity you experience.

Tips & Warnings

• Tell the person only if there is a genuine feeling to do so. Talking about your disability because you need something to keep the conversation going is not a good idea.

• Withholding information about the disability can backfire. Someone who would typically be understanding in the beginning may be upset if you wait too long to reveal the situation.

• Refrain from being apologetic. People are not less caring, talented or loving because of a disability.

References

• Girls Health.gov: Talking About Your Illness or Disability
• TheSite.org: Dating and Disabilities
• Online Dating Magazine: Revealing a Disability