How to Counter Verbal Abuse

Yelling is verbal abuse and can be psychologically damaging.

One in four women will be abused at the hands of a loved one or partner, according to the Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence. In addition, 12 percent of men have experienced abuse from a domestic partner. These shocking statistics reveal how important countering verbal abuse can be in a relationship.



Verbal abuse encompasses a wide range of behaviors, from yelling and name-calling to threatening bodily harm to you or your loved ones. Verbal abuse can be just as damaging as physical abuse and should be dealt with carefully.

Instructions

1. Trust your feelings about the abuse. Many verbal abusers create self-doubt in the victim, having you question whether or not you are actually being abused. If you are feeling unsafe, sad or hurt by anything your partner is saying to you, and these things happen on a consistent basis, you are being verbally abused.

2. Stand your ground when your partner begins the abusive tirade. Shut him down immediately by either walking away or telling him you will not stand for his insults any longer. Try repeating a selected phrase over and over, such as "I am not going to listen to this" or "When you calm down, we can talk."

3. Ask your partner to stop calling you names or yelling. You may also want to ask him why he feels the need to call you names or insult you in any way. Speaking in a quiet voice might force your partner to stop yelling in order to hear what you are saying.

4. Suggest counseling and offer to go with your partner. Some abusers were themselves victims and are reacting to past trauma. Helping your partner deal with his inner demons may eliminate the verbal abuse from your relationship.

5. End the relationship if the verbal abuse continues and your attempts to counter or end it are unsuccessful. Not every person is willing to change, and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect.

Tips & Warnings

• Resist the urge to be verbally abusive in retaliation. Although you may feel better slinging insults, in the end, it is not going to be productive or stop the verbal abuse.

• Leave the situation immediately or call the police if the verbal abuse becomes physical or sexual, or if you fear for your life or safety.

References

• Relationship Matters: What is verbal abuse and how to deal with it
• Corporate Alliance to End Partner Violence: Facts and Stats

Resources

• The Verbal Abuse Site