How to Solve Interpersonal Conflict
If you are currently experiencing conflict with another person, there are a variety of methods to resolve conflict in ways that benefit everyone. According to Richard Bolstad, trainer and author of "Transforming Communication," more than 90 percent of the people who sign up for his classes do so in order to resolve conflict. Listening to people, being assertive and problem-solving with others help to smooth over disputes and foster more satisfying personal relationships long term.
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Instructions
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Listen reflectively. Reflective listening helps to open up dialogue, improve rapport between people and hasten the resolving of conflict. When you use reflective listening, you can still have a conversation and allow the other person to feel heard and respected, while not necessarily having to agree with everything that they say or believe. To listen reflectively to someone, simply paraphrase what someone tells you. Searching for the deeper meaning of what the person has told you and feeding it back to them is very helpful. For example, John says, "You're not listening." And you reply, "So you want to feel more heard."
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Talk assertively to others. When you're assertive with work colleagues, friends or with family, it avoids aggression, tension, passive or passive-aggressive behavior and feelings of resentment. Assertive behavior states that you value yourself and your own well-being and also view the well-being of others as equally important. Always use "I" statements. For example, instead of saying "You don't clean up your dishes," you could say, "I feel very stressed when the dishes aren't cleaned."
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Generate possible solutions that aim for win-win outcomes. Compromise often results in each party sacrificing part of their goal for a resolution that is not entirely satisfying to anyone. According to Dr. Thomas Gordon, author of "Teacher Effectiveness Training," adapting a no-lose method of resolving conflicts resulted in a 90 percent decrease in discipline problems in schools and classrooms.
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Practice rapport building with the other person to establish a relationship with them in future. Continue to listen reflectively whenever they approach you with a grievance; when conflict is resolved, focus on shared values, views and interests. Building rapport will help to avoid future conflicts and nurture a feeling of connection, trust and friendliness between people.
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Tips & Warnings
Adopting another person's stance or body language while resolving conflict can help to establish better rapport and make others feel more relaxed.
Avoid using too many "I" statements at once, as it may cause the other person to feel defensive. Instead, combine a back-and-forth use of reflective listening and "I" statements to keep them feeling safe and in rapport.
If the other person is angry or loses their temper, step away from the conversation and resume it at another point when everyone is feeling calm and resourceful.
References
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