How to Mourn a Death With No Funeral

There is no right or wrong way to mourn.

When we mourn, we grieve for the dead. When someone dies, there is often a funeral to provide a place where friends and family can gather to express their grief and pay their respects to whomever has passed on as part of the mourning process. But sometimes there is no funeral. The deceased may have included a request in his final wishes to not have one. Without a funeral, family and friends may have to find alternate ways to honor and mourn their loved one.

Instructions

Plan a Memorial

1. Choose a suitable location for friends and family to gather to both mourn and celebrate a life lived. Perhaps gathering for an evening beach memorial outdoors would honor his passing if he loved being there. Perhaps she loved nothing more than being at her son's house in the mountains.

2. Ask for help in planning the memorial. Undertaking the entire service is a lot for one person to take on alone. Someone can send invitations or make phone calls informing everyone of the place and time. Another person can make arrangements for food. Most people are happy to provide some type of dish to share.

3. Search for appropriate readings or poems and read them yourself at the memorial or let others participate by reading them. Arrange for close friends or relatives to say a few words about the deceased. Sharing happy, touching or funny stories will help everyone remember and honor your loved one and help to bring closure

4. Play some music at the service. There are some lovely appropriate songs to select for memorials, or consider playing music from a particular band or genre if it was one you know she enjoyed.

Dinner Among Friends

1. Organize a dinner if you would like to mourn with a more intimate group of friends. Perhaps it's just you and your book club that she used to be a member of that are gathering to honor her.

2. Consider holding the dinner at a restaurant that can provide a separate room for you to gather in so that you needn't worry about holding in your emotions or speaking too loudly. Alternately, arrange a potluck at your house or some other close friend or relative's home. The location isn't as important as the fact that you are coming together to honor his life by dedicating the evening to pay your respects.

3. Suggest that everyone bring some photos or a story to share about the deceased.

Personal Private Grieving

1. Mourn by yourself if that is what you need to help you say goodbye. Visit his grave. Leave flowers if you wish. Have a silent conversation to tell him how you feel or read a poem out loud.

2. Write your feelings down, it can be therapeutic. Dedicate some pages in your journal to her or if you don't have a journal, write on your computer or on a piece of paper.

3. Light a candle in her memory and spend some silent time reflecting on what she meant to you. Do it any time you feel the need. There is no time limit for honoring the deceased. No matter how you choose to mourn, it can help the healing process.

References

• Recover From Grief: Plan a Memorial

Resources

• Memorial Music Library