How to Cope With Passive Aggressive Behavior
Passive-aggression is an attitude and communication style in which an individual expresses anger in indirect ways. People who display passive-aggression often lack communication skills and are unable to clearly and openly express emotions. These emotions will build up until they are expressed in an aggressive, though indirect ways, including verbal attacks, withdrawal or pouting. Coping with someone who displays passive aggression can be challenging; however, there are tools that can help to defuse the frustration and increase communication.
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Instructions
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Respond kindly to silence. The silent treatment is when you ask the individual what is wrong and he responds, "Nothing," but continues to give signals, such as body language that indicate she is still upset. When a passive-aggressive person gives "the silent treatment," she is likely afraid that expressing what she is upset about will disrupt your relationship.
Give your complete attention when responding and try to offer understanding. The individual likely is uncomfortable expressing frustration with another and needs to feel reassured that this is OK.
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Counter verbal assaults calmly. Passive aggression can come out in verbal assaults, either indirectly given while the person is doing other things, such as household chores, or as a direct assault, which often is followed by tears and apologies. The individual is lashing out because he is feeling frustrated, and that frustration has built to intense emotion. If you respond in a defensive manner, the situation likely will escalate into a fight. It is important to remain calm. Remind the person that you are there for him and that expressing negative emotions will not risk your relationship.
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Communicate directly but calmly. Since the individual never learned how to properly communicate intense, aggressive emotions, it is important, especially in an intimate relationship, that you model how to do this. If you are angry, it is important that you assertively and clearly express this anger. This will help to break the cycle. If you express anger in a manipulative, overly aggressive or passive-aggressive manner, the individual will continue her style of suppression of emotion followed by explosion.
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Tips & Warnings
Passive-aggressive patterns often are learned from others, such as families-of-origin that don't allow expression of negative emotions.
If you have difficulty controlling your temper, avoid interacting with the other person. Doing so may escalate into a large argument.
