How to Talk to Your Child About Bullying

In young children, bullying often results in isolation.

Bullying always affects more than one person: the victim, who may begin to suffer from depression and low self-esteem and, the victimizer, for whom the act of bullying creates a character habit of dominating others through the use of violence or verbal abuse. Talking to your child about bullying will make him aware of the dangers associated with this negative social behavior and provide him with the knowledge to avoid being either a bully or a victim.

Instructions

1. Give your child a clear definition of a bully. Your child, especially a young child ages 5 to 7 years-old, may not know the difference between a mean peer and a bully. A bully is someone who habitually behaves in an overbearing, intimidating, aggressive and/or cruel nature. A more simple definition of a bully is someone who repeatedly makes others feel bad in an effort to be in control.

2. Ask your child to give you examples of bullying. Based on the definition that you provided to your child regarding a bully, asking her to give you examples will help you verify that she understands your meaning.

3. Explain what happens to a bully when an adult is notified of her behavior. Tell your child that bullying is unacceptable to both you as a parent and to her school teachers. Let your child know that school is an environment created for learning and that bullying can make that learning environment uncomfortable for a child who is picked on. Stress the fact that bullying is serious enough to warrant a visit to the principal's office.

4. Provide strategies that your child can use to detour a bully. One easy strategy is for your child to speak in a firm and loud voice when standing his ground against a bully. This will alert nearby teachers and children to a possible negative encounter. Make sure that he understands that this means clearly projecting his voice rather than yelling. Another good strategy is for your child to offer friendship opportunities to the bully. Tell your child that this is accomplished by asking the bully to join in a fun game or conversation so that the bully won't feel the need to force a social interaction.

5. 

   Teachers are trained to help resolve a bully-conflict situation.

   Tell your child to always report bullying instances. A common complaint that teachers have about school bullying is that the victim never told them about the situation. Adults are not able to get involved and help the bully or the victim if the incident goes unreported.

Tips & Warnings

• Alert your child to bullies who appear to be harmless students. This kind of bully is a relational bully, someone who is popular and uses name calling and the spreading of rumors in an attempt to keep other kids from interacting with his victim.

• Many parents tell their children to fight back as a strategy for handling a bully. This advice is frowned upon by the school system and can cause your child to get in trouble even in the case of self-defense.

References

• Athens Family Central; Is Your Child Being Bullied? Break the Cycle; Mary Jessica Hammes; November/December 2010
• The Free Dictionary: bully

Resources

• Stop Bullying Now: What to Do if Your Child is Being Bullied