How to Date a Divorced Mother
Dating a divorced mother means accepting the package deal that includes her, her child and her ex husband. Each plays a role in her life and you are stepping into the middle of that delicate situation. Her child may require some time before warming up to you and accepting your place in her mother's life, but with patience and dedication, you can strike the necessary balance to make this relationship work.
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Instructions
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Keep your distance from her child until she is ready to introduce you. Mothers protect their children, and early in a relationship this means from you. The fear is of you forming a relationship with her child while your relationship with her is still new. Once she believes that your relationship with her will move to a more serious level, she will help facilitate a relationship between you and her child, but she needs confidence that this will happen first. Avoid getting offended at her request for distance between her child and you. Her protection for her child is something that she cannot suspend on your behalf.
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Move the physical side of your relationship away from her home. Reserve these activities for your place or at a neutral location. Let her tell you when she is comfortable moving this part of your relationship into her home and give her the space she needs to protect her child. This decision is another meant to protect her child from seeing you in too comfortable of a setting before the mother knows that your relationship will become more serious.
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Meet the child on his terms, once his mother is ready. Your relationship with his mother is significant enough that you know there is a good chance of it becoming permanent. Her child's approval is crucial for your relation to continue progressing. Show patience if he becomes angry or defensive. Respond to emotional outbursts with the distance he needs for contemplation about your place in his life. Work on forming a relationship with him and understand that this is a time-consuming process.
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Respect the ex and the place he plays in their lives. The ex will always be the father to the child. Avoid countermanding their opinion when it comes to the child. Stay respectful and consistent in situations where the ex and child are with you. If you have concerns about his parenting, share them with the mother when you two are alone.
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Learn the rules of the house and never let her child see you violating these or making light of these rules. This structure is important to her child. Never give her child the impression that you consider these rules insignificant and never let her child put you in a position where you give her child permission to violate the rules of her house.
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References
- Photo Credit winter child with mother on sled image by Pavel Losevsky from Fotolia.com
