How to Reach a Compromise

Coming to an agreement with your spouse may seem impossible.

Divorce is emotionally and financially challenging. In the heat of a bitter separation, it may seem impossible that you and your spouse could ever agree about anything. However, as time passes and you have a chance to reflect, you may come to see the benefits of compromising in your divorce negotiations. Not only will compromise make the process of divorce less stressful, but it will also likely reduce costly attorneys' fees that come along with lengthy negotiations and trials.

Instructions

1. Identify your must-haves. Decide what issues you absolutely will not budge on and make this list short and realistic. Once you have your list of must-haves, take note of all of the issues on which you are willing to compromise. The division of personal property can be especially contentious. Unless some item of personal property is on your must-have list, attempt to release your emotional connection to your personal property.

2. Recall the qualities you once saw in your spouse. In the midst of divorce negotiations, it is easy to see your partner only as an adversary and not as the person you at one time committed your life to. Remembering why you married your spouse in the first place will make it easier to see your spouse as a person with feelings and a genuine interest in coming to a suitable compromise.

3. Consider your children. Divorce is difficult for children as well as parents. A long, drawn out, and contentious divorce trial will prolong the process of separation for your children. Compromising with your spouse in order to settle your divorce quickly and civilly will be a benefit to your children.

4. Direct your lawyer to negotiate for you. In some instances it may be too painful or uncomfortable to negotiate with your spouse directly. Clearly communicate to your lawyer the things on which you are and are not willing to compromise and let the lawyer negotiate with your spouse and his or her attorney outside of your presence.

5. Attend mediation. Mediation is a service available throughout the United States and is an alternative method of dispute resolution. In a mediation session, an unbiased third party, who is specially trained to help people compromise, will help you and your spouse negotiate a settlement. Your lawyer may or may not be present during the mediation session. Mediation is much less expensive and much swifter than a traditional trial.

Tips & Warnings

• Your lawyer will have information about mediation. When you are choosing your divorce lawyer, ask her about her mediation experience.

• This article is for informational purposes only. This article in no way represents legal advice or counsel. Always contact a licensed attorney in your area before making important legal decisions.

References

• Collaborative Divorce: Determining How Much Compromise is Too Much
• When You and I Disagree
• Model Standards of Practice for Family and Divorce Mediation
• Association for Conflict Resolution