How to Help People Overcome Jealousy

Help your friend get over her jealousy.

You can understand how easy it is for your close friend or partner to let the green-eyed monster take over, especially if she has been burned before. She sees so many fit, thin, confident perfect people and feels threatened by them. She constantly worries whether her partner will be faithful or if he is only waiting for an opportunity to trade up. Learn how to help your friend overcome her jealousy and have a healthier relationship with the foundation of trust.

Things You'll Need

• Notebook
• Pen

Instructions

1. Tell your friend to create a list of everything that she likes about herself. Jealousy is often a sign of low self-esteem so it is imperative that she work on building up confidence and respect in herself. In her article "Jealousy - The Monster," in "O Magazine," Dr. Helen Fisher states, "People who feel inadequate, insecure or overly dependent tend to be more jealous than others." Write your own list that includes information about her personality traits that you like such as her great sense of humor and her intelligence as well as information about her appearance like her plump lips or curvy figure. Give the list to her when she is having a bad day or is letting jealousy take over. Remind your friend that her partner already chose her from many other potential suitors. Tell her the reasons why you chose her if you are the one who is her partner.

2. Offer to participate in activities that will make her feel better about herself. Enroll both of you in a healthy cooking class or join her in a hobby that she particularly enjoys. Offer to go walking around the block with her a few times a week. Make encouraging statements to your friend or partner so she feels better about herself. Comment on her great presentation at work or her new hairstyle. Tell her that her positive energy will lead to even more self-confidence.

3. Encourage your friend to write a letter to a former mate who betrayed her. Tell her to write everything she wishes she would have told him, including how hurt she felt and how she fears her current mate will repeat the same behavior. Talk about her current relationship with her and note the differences between her current relationship and mate and her past relationship. Remind her that the past is over and you do not want her to let it corrode future relationships. Tell her that you are not her ex and would not hurt her in the same way if you are her current partner.

4. Tell her to stop all controlling behaviors. According to Dr. Phil, "Jealousy is a poorly disguised need for power and control." Let her know that it is not desirable for her to call her partner incessantly while he is out. Mention that if she continues her behavior, she may wind up encouraging her partner to turn to another woman for solace. Suggest that she allow her partner an equal say in the decisions of their relationship. Remind her that until she gives her partner the freedom to make his own choices, she will not know whether he is trustworthy.

5. Demonstrate patience and understanding with your friend or partner. Do not disregard her feelings if you are her partner. Listen to what she has to say and you may see that she has a point about something that you or her partner did that may have crossed the line. Maintain control of your temper and emotions. Encourage her not to exaggerate an event in her mind and let her know when she is blowing a situation out of proportion. Tell her to walk away if she feels jealousy getting the best of her so that she can change her perspective and manage the situation that is occurring in reality. Tell her not to become fixated on a mental image that depicts an event that has not occurred.

6. Communicate your feelings to your friend or partner. Encourage her to explain how she feels without being accusatory. Communicate calmly and lovingly. Suggest that she and her partner establish some ground rules so they both will know if one of them crosses the line and betrays the other person's trust. Remind her that it is okay to talk about situations that make her feel insecure, such as if you are her boyfriend and you are texting a female co-worker repeatedly. Listen for her input and reach an agreement for acceptable behavior in the future.

7. Tell your friend that she needs to trust her partner or their relationship will not survive. Remind her to trust her instincts, but tell her to believe in her boyfriend if he has done nothing to cause her doubt. Tell her to believe him when he explains a situation, rather than assuming the worst. Tell her that you trust her and expect the same from her in return if you are her partner.

Tips & Warnings

• Tell your friend to think about how she would feel if her jealous boyfriend was constantly calling or accusing her of doing things that she did not do. Tell her to remember those feelings when she is talking to her mate.

• Do not lie to your jealous partner or you will give her the ammunition she is looking for. Be a positive example of a trustworthy partner and the situation is more likely to improve with time.

References

• Ask Men: Overcoming Jealousy In Relationships
• The Naomi Show Love Life: How much jealousy is too much?
• Ask Deb: How to Deal With Jealousy
• Dr. Phil: Controlling Jealousy
• Pathway to Happiness: Overcoming Jealousy, Anger, and Control in Relationships
• Oprah: Finding and Keeping the Love of Your Life