How to Manage Interpersonal Conflict

Don't let the participants internalize their anger -- encourage discussion.

The 1991 book, " Interpersonal Conflict," says that interpersonal conflict is caused when two people who are dependent on each other (work colleagues, partners or friends) come to view their individual goals as being different and in opposition to the other. Resolution, therefore, involves discussion to establish where common interests lie. Rather than internalizing resentment, which can cause larger problems, the two people confront the conflict, talk it through and identify common goals.

Instructions

1. Sit the parties down to discuss the issues causing the conflict. Listen to both sides and encourage both parties to listen to each other.

2. Look at areas where the participants agree and other areas where they can compromise. Avoid letting the discussion turn into an argument with a win or lose mentality or an attack on personalities. If there is a perceived or real difference in power between the two parties, get them to put it aside and discuss their problems as equals. This way neither party will come out of the discussion feeling impotent and rail-roaded. Show and encourage empathy in the position of each participant.

3. Agree to plan with both parties going forward. Both should be involved as much as possible in creating and implementing the plan. Re-evaluate frequently to see how things are progressing. Sit down to discuss any further issues that have arisen and how well the existing plan is working. Respect all opinions equally and encourage participants to do the same. Be prepared to change tactics if the initial plan does not seem to be working.

Tips & Warnings

• A good way to encourage participants to listen to others properly is to get each person to summarize what the other said. Then get that person to confirm or clarify the other's perception of what he initially said. Sometimes this can highlight and eliminate untrue assumptions about motives and unspoken goals that were behind the conflict in the first place.

• Do not let disagreements escalate into physical attacks. If you think the parties cannot control their emotions well enough to discuss their difficulties, avoid instigating a confrontation. Involve a professional mediator to deal with the problem instead.

References

• Allyn & Bacon: Interpersonal Conflict
• Positive Conflicts: Escalation of Interpersonal Conflict
• Slide Share: Interpersonal - Managing Conflict
• Riedmiller: Conflict Article