How to Tell a Friend Her Husband Might be Cheating

Telling a friend about her husband's affair can be challenging.

Being good friends with someone often requires telling her difficult information. If you have a piece of information for a friend that will hurt her in the short term, but help her in the long term, you may struggle with how best to convey this knowledge so that she is not too emotionally distraught. Anytime this information involves something negative about your friend's husband, sensitivities will be on high alert. You can deftly let her in on what you know, keep your relationship in tact, and let her decide how to move forward.

Instructions

1. Wait until she's in the right frame of mind. It's no secret that giving bad news should be done when the recipient is in a good mood, making it easier for her to process what she is about to hear. It is best to break this news to her on a good day, when she is feeling positive. However, if your friend has had trouble with her marital relationship or has been suspicious of her husband's fidelity, you can take comments regarding this as an opportunity to let her know what you know. Note: if your friend has had problems with depression or is likely to fall into a deep funk when she hears this news, come prepared with information to encourage her to contact a therapist or other professional.

2. Bring the facts. Accepting that her husband might be cheating is likely going to be very difficult for your friend. If you present your suspicions to her as just hearsay or simply a collection of circumstantial evidence, it makes you look overly suspicious and puts her on edge without having adequate information for proof. Before sharing such life-changing information, gather all the facts that you have, even the physical facts that you may have collected. Organize them and present them in a logical manner so that she can digest everything that you know. And remember that firsthand information from you --- someone she knows and trusts --- is more substantial than anything you share that you have received secondhand.

3. Help her keep perspective. Your friend is likely to respond very emotionally to the information that her husband may be cheating. One possible response is that she will go into a state of denial and refute the things you tell her, even perhaps seeing you as an opponent and wonder why you are attacking her and her family life. You must remind her that you are only telling her this because you are her friend and that you feel she has a right to know. On the other hand, she may get overly aggressive and angry toward her husband, perhaps even suggesting that she is going to cause him physical harm. You must be prepared to help her keep the long-term view of her family and mental health in perspective, suggesting that she keep a level head, confront him with what she now knows, and be prepared to move on.

Tips & Warnings

• Getting such bad news from you could permanently damage your friendship, simply because your friend will now associate you with this terrible situation.

References

• "How to Have That Difficult Conversation You've Been Avoiding: With Your Spouse, Adult Child, Boss, Coworker, Best Friend, Parent, or Someone You're Dating"; Henry Cloud and John Townsend; 2005