How to Cope With Elderly Parents Moving In

There may come a time when you invite your aging parents or in-laws to move in with you. Although this arrangement can work very well, it can also be stressful for everyone involved.

Difficulty: Challenging

Instructions

1. Discuss everything in advance. Your parents are probably used to living independently in their own home, and it may be difficult for them to adjust to living under someone else's roof, with someone else's routines and expectations.

2. Talk about all the issues you can think of before they move in, create an atmosphere of mutual respect, and try to come to some compromises that will work for everyone in the family.

3. Clearly establish the "house rules" as tactfully as possible, and agree on each person's responsibilities and limits within the home. Each family has its own identity, and the addition of elder parents to the formula can often disrupt family harmony for a while, even when it's handled with great care and sensitivity.

4. Consider your children, if they still live at home. When Grandma and Grandpa move in, it can be a difficult adjustment for kids and teens, so set some boundaries that everyone can live with. Your children need to be considerate of their grandparents, but the grandparents also need to step back and let you discipline your own children when necessary.

5. Make sure everyone has some privacy. This may mean adding a separate suite to your home, installing an extra bathroom or even just rearranging your home slightly. Even though your parents no longer live in their own home, they'll still want some space of their own and some private time to themselves.

6. Figure out what goes where. This may sound obvious, but it can be tricky. Your parents have been surrounded by their own furniture and possessions for many years, but your house is almost certainly not big enough for two sets of furnishings. Perhaps some things can be sold, given to relatives or put into storage.

7. Work out a budget. Will your parents be contributing some of their pension money to cover household expenses, or will you be paying for everything? Never make assumptions, especially when it comes to finances. Discuss the situation ahead of time.

8. Let your parents help around the house if they want to and are physically able to. Many seniors connect their sense of self-worth with their "usefulness," and it can be difficult emotionally if most or all of their daily tasks are taken over by someone else.

9. Encourage your parents to maintain their independence and to stay active. This will benefit their physical and emotional health.

10. Be patient - it can take a while for the rhythms of the household to re-establish themselves after such a big change.

Tips & Warnings

• Try to hold regular family conferences so that everyone can talk about issues or problems that may come up. It's often much easier to discuss awkward subjects when everyone is together and in the mood to talk.
• If your parents have health problems, set up an emergency contact system and make sure everyone knows what it is. This could be a buzzer or bellpull in the bedroom or shower, or a cordless phone preprogrammed with your cell phone or pager number.
• Consider safety issues for children and seniors living in the same house. Make sure your parents don't leave medications or nonchildproof bottles within reach of little ones, and make sure your kids don't leave toys on the stairs or puddles of water on the floor.
• Elder care can take a lot of time and energy, so make sure you still take some quality time for yourself, and for your spouse and children. If you begin to feel overwhelmed by your family responsibilities, arrange for some outside help or respite, or find a caregivers support group in your area.

[ozzylover]

on 7/7/2009 Help me please my mom moved in bout 2 and half months ago. She is only 57. I have 3 children 8,6,and 9months. My mom she constantly yelling at my kids, telling them what to do, what not to do and how to do it it is driving me freaking crazy!!!!!!!!!! I have told her before iam the mom not her and i do things very different from but that has not helped. she threatens them with telling them that she is gonna beat their butts, gonna slap their faces off and just talks to them rude like they are are dirt. We can not go any where with out her going and its pure hell when she goes. Dinner is the same way cant remember when we had a dinner without yelling and bitching. PLEASE HELP ME before i fly off the handle and do something dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Moemoe]

on 9/11/2008 I moved my 91 year old grandmother into my home; knowing that she acts like a 2yr old and bad mouths everyone. I stopped working to stay at home with her and spend more time with my 10yr old. Yes she has started with her attitude, she wants me to start cooking before 4pm wants me to ask her all the time if she wants to eat when she is capable of making it herself. Disrespects me and my boyfriend by bad mouthing us to my 10yr old(that doesn't need to hear it)and to the family. We both have done nothing but try to give her the care and love she needs but just likes to make us miserable. I do not know what to do in this situation. I took her out of the home she was in because she was complaining about everything and loosing weight because she did not like the food. I was warned about her behavior, but I was not ready for this. If you have any ideas on how I can make my house hold come toget

[oliveoil]

on 5/29/2008 Sometimes with the rising cost of healthcare, the demands on us as caregivers along with our own personal duties, we often are not aware that there is any other choice besides assisted living or skilled nursing homes. When I found ResponseLINK I was on wits end trying to decide what was best for my elderly uncle. He has no children, and is still able to live on his own, but seems to forget his medications at times, which poses a health risk for him since he is diabetic. ResponseLINK reminds him every day at his every medication interval to take his insulin and to eat and then again to remind him to check his sugar level. Also, if he needs any help at all, he just pushes his button on his pendant and a trained operator responds and alerts us and or his family physician

[oliveoil]

on 5/29/2008 Another option you have with caring for your parents is ResponseLINK Emergency Medical Alert System. They provide 24 hour assurance that if your parents need help, it is only seconds away with a push of a button. They also keep all of your emergency contacts at hand so that means no more lost contact numbers. They call the contacts you choose in the order you specify. You can also have the peace of mind that your parents are reminded to take their medications and that they are reminded to have their meals at a certain time if that is a concern as well. When I checked into it for my own parents, I found that it was easily affordable, and was easy to get set up with a subscription without a long term contract.

[oliveoil]

on 5/29/2008 Another option you have with caring for your parents is ResponseLINK Emergency Medical Alert System. They provide 24 hour assurance that if your parents need help, it is only seconds away with a push of a button. They also keep all of your emergency contacts at hand so that means no more lost contact numbers. They call the contacts you choose in the order you specify. You can also have the peace of mind that your parents are reminded to take their medications and that they are reminded to have their meals at a certain time if that is a concern as well. When I checked into it for my own parents, I found that it was easily affordable, and was easy to get set up with a subscription without a long term contract.