How to Teach Toddlers Alternatives to Aggression
Toddlers are learning new things every day, gaining information from their environment in a variety of ways. Among these are direct teaching from adults, watching other kids play and learning through structured games and activities. One of the things toddlers quickly learn is to stand up for themselves in the most basic way possible -- through aggression. While this can seem like an overwhelming behavior to stop, there are some basic things you, as a caregiver or parent, can do to help teach toddlers better ways to handle frustration.
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Instructions
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Monitor your toddler's play. Notice when and how he or she responds to situations with aggression. This will help you in deciding how you want to address aggressive behavior. If you notice that your toddler displays aggression much more frequently in a certain type of situation (for example, playing with multiple children at once or when playing in a new environment), make it your priority to help the toddler in that circumstance.
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Prevent potential aggression before you put your toddler in a new or stressful situation. Model and talk about different ways to communicate frustration without aggression. Role play situations where you know your toddler will become frustrated and may resort to aggression, and then talk him or her through the situation. Games like stacking blocks, pushing cars back and forth, and rolling a ball teach toddlers to wait their turn and share, and playing games provides a good opportunity for practicing the behaviors you want to see.
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Praise your toddler's attempts at using nonaggressive responses you have taught. Toddlers love praise and approval from familiar adults, so this is the best way to show your toddler that he is doing a good job. Make sure you praise the behavior, not the child. Examples include, "You're doing a good job of cleaning up your blocks," and, "Using nice words makes me happy." Focusing on your child when praising, such as saying, "You're such a good girl" when you see her cleaning up, teaches your child that she's being good, but does not show her what she is specifically doing so she can repeat it later.
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Address behavior as soon as you see it. Identify the behavior with words. Say, "Stop hitting," and explain why the behavior is not allowed -- "Hitting hurts others." Offer an alternative such as, "When you feel like hitting, walk away." Toddlers don't understand long explanations, aren't very good at understanding and feeling another person's feelings and don't respond to generalities (thus, avoid saying a nonspecific, "When you get mad find something else to do."). Great consequences for aggressive behavior include time-outs, which give the child time to calm down (one minute for each year of age, up to five minutes), and apologizing. Encourage your toddler to say what behavior she did that she is sorry for instead of just saying, "I'm sorry."
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Move on quickly. Reminding your toddler of past aggression, continuing to discuss aggressive behavior right after it has occurred and imposing long consequences -- such as no television for the rest of the day -- are counterproductive. Continuing to focus on the behavior increases your own frustration level, which makes it more likely that you will model a behavior you are teaching against.
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Tips & Warnings
Behavior does not change overnight.
Inconsistency on your part may make the behavior worsen.
References
Resources
- Photo Credit children image by Renata Osinska from Fotolia.com
