How to Understand Teenage Men

Understanding teenage boys is a skill desired by many.

Understanding a teenage boy is a skill desired by many parents, teachers, and young women, but it is difficult because every teenage boy is different, a product of his genetics and upbringing. To understand teenage boys, it helps to understand their influences, their desires, and their goals. Once you have a handle on how teenage boys think, it will be easier to relate to them and be close to them, not only because communication will be improved but because you'll understand why they do what they do.

Instructions

1. Consider their motivations. Teenage boys are learning how to become independent adult males and often struggle between the need to handle things alone and the need to rely on their loved ones. If a teen boy is pulling away from you, understand that it isn't as much about you as it is about his need for independence, a healthy part of becoming an adult. If you let him know you're there if he needs you, then give him his space, you'll be doing both of you a favor.

2. Take their hormonal changes into account. Teenage boys have a host of new hormones pumping through their bodies, changing their speech, build, and emotional makeup. Sometimes these hormones can cause them to display excessive anger or other emotional highs. While you should never put up with abuse, giving your teenage boy understanding when he overreacts and apologizes can help you to improve your relationship with him.

3. Understand the new sexual feelings and desires being experienced by your teenage boy. Since boys achieve their sexual peak at 15 or 16, while they're still maturing, they may be confused or upset by their desires--desires that they can't act on without endangering their future. Discuss their goals for relationships and their sexual desires with them, and let them share as much or as little as they want with you. Knowing how driven teenage boys can be by sexual thoughts and feelings can help you understand their motivations.

4. Make a list of the expectations that society has for men and show it to your teenage boy. You might include things like not showing emotion, being strong, earning money or having sexual conquests. Ask him what he thinks about these gender stereotypes and try to gauge how influenced he is by what he thinks society wants from him. If he feels a strong need to be a stereotypical male, it can help you understand increased aggression or a lack of emotional expression.

5. Remember that he is an individual person with his own likes and dislikes, not merely a teenage boy. Write yourself a list of what you know about him as a person--not what you assume, but what you actually know--and consider that in the context of all his emotional and physical changes. If you approach him as a statistic rather than a person, you'll never be able to understand him. You must know what he cares about and what he wants to truly comprehend him.

References

• New Mexico State University: Understanding Teens
• University of Delaware: Understanding Teens
• University of New Hampshire: Living With Your Teen, Understanding Physical Changes
• University of Maine: Family Issues