How to Make Peace With Relatives

Making up with relatives can reduce stress.

Like a boil that becomes infected and blisters, so are some familial relationships. Whether due to neglect or betrayal, hurt feelings can lead to long-standing grudges that no longer have any meaning. Eventually, though, you may wish to reunite with your relatives and begin building a new relationship. It may be difficult and awkward at first, and you may feel like it is not worth the trouble, but as you begin to reconnect --- whether through counseling or more direct resolution --- and share experiences, discuss your daily activities, you may soon discover the family relationship you have missed.

Things You'll Need

• Stationary
• Stamp
• Telephone

Instructions

1. Send a letter to your relative and apologize for any anger, hurt or sorrow you have caused her. Let go of any grudge or resentful feelings. Keep a respectful tone in your letter, and add that you will call her in about a week to speak in person.

2. Call her one week later. Apologize again for your part in any disagreement, and reiterate your intention to put the past aside and rebuild your relationship together. Ask if she would like to join you in counseling to work past the issues, or perhaps just meet you for coffee within the week to catch up.

3. Meet her for coffee at the location, date and time she prefers. Although she may try to bring up the past disagreement, politely decline to be drawn into any arguments and let her know that you prefer to discuss this in front of a counselor. Explain that you would like to pursue a future harmonious relationship rather than rehash the disagreements of the past.

4. Show her pictures of your children, tell her details about your job or explain about your hobbies. Ask her about her current activities and immediate family as you attempt to find common goals and activities. Before leaving, set up a tentative date to meet again.

5. Send a thank you note after your meeting. Let her know how much you enjoyed the meeting. If things are going well, continue to stay in touch. If there is still tension, reiterate your request for counseling between you both. It may take time to repair hurt feelings, but keep meeting at least once a month, with phone calls in between, to develop a growing relationship.

6. Contact a mutually agreed upon counselor should you both agree to take this route. Find a convenient date and time for you both as you schedule the appointment. Show up for the appointment promptly and follow the counselor's suggestions as the two of you resolve your issues and become closer.

Tips & Warnings

• Keep sight of your long-term goal, which is healing your family relationship.

• Follow the counselor's suggestions.

• Don't force counseling on her. Allow her to come to the decision herself in her own time.

References

• Belief Net: Making Peace with Your Family
• The Spiritual Eclectic: Making Peace in Dysfunctional Families: How to Fix It and Whether You Should

Resources

• Belief Net: Making Peace with Your Family
• The Spiritual Eclectic: Making Peace in Dysfunctional Families: How to Fix It and Whether You Should