How to Become a Werewolf

You need not suffer from lycanthropy, the mental disease of werewolves, to become a wolfman. Below are some shortcuts to becoming a wolf.

Difficulty: Easy

Instructions

1. Sleep on the ground in an open field on a Friday night when the moon is full. Many Europeans who lived several centuries ago approved of this method.

2. Drink water from a wolf's footprint. Two hundred years ago, Balkan natives thought this act would surely help you grow hair and fangs.

3. Satisfy your thirst in certain magical bodies of water, although the whereabouts of these are unknown. If you find that discouraging, drink wherever wolf packs drink.

4. Transform yourself by eating a wolf's brains. Just follow the easy instructions listed in the Wicked Witch's Cookbook (author unknown).

5. Find a French priest and have him put a hex on you. Many incorrigibles were purportedly disciplined in this way in the centuries prior to the 1800s.

The following multistep method was once considered foolproof by many believers. Please, do not try this at home.

6. Go on top of a hill where the full moon can shine upon you. Then at midnight, draw two circles on the ground: one 3 feet in diameter, surrounded by the second, which should be 7 feet in diameter.

7. Build a fire in the middle of the two circles and place a cauldron over it.

8. Add henbane, opium, hemlock, aconite, poplar leaves, soot and cooking oil to this steaming concoction.

9. If one or more of those magical ingredients can't be found at the grocery store, try mixing cowbane, sweet flag, cinquefoil, bat's blood and belladonna into the quagmire. Say a number of enigmatic incantations as the recipe boils.

10. Be creative, reciting things like, "Spirits of earthbound dead that glide with noiseless tread, be kind to me."

11. Remove your clothes and smear yourself from head to toe with the magic ointment. Make sure it's cooled.

12. Drape a wolf skin over your body, or maybe a wolf skin belt, three fingers wide. Kneel in the moonlight and come up with some more chants. Strike the ground with your head three times - and watch out for them silver bullets!

Tips & Warnings

• Mix a little flower into the vat for thickening.

[downtownsj10]

on 12/27/2009 Anyone who reads this and belives it is completly insane, and the one who wrote has got to be joking or incredibly insane.

-Tobias

[thesilentwolf]

on 12/26/2009 You can't simply 'become' a werewolf..You have to be born with the spirit of a wolf inside you. v.v And if you don't have that, be bitten by a male *and* female werewolf at the same time, and your spirit will be a wolf in your next life. Take it from someone who knows...>.>

[vincentnight]

on 12/20/2009 (forwarded)btw make sure you take its left canine tooth and wear it as a necklace, it shows respect to the dead. make sure its the left tooth, not the right. right is disprespectful

[vincentnight]

on 12/20/2009 sigh.....amateurs, yet again......that concoction is rubbish.....you just hunt a wolf as a wolf.....meaning hunt him as he would hunt prey.....without your hands, use your teeth to rip it apart so you can get at his heart, eat it.......then drink as much of his blood as you can....then sit under the moon and concentrate on the blood flowing through your system......feel the change.....will it, and then sleep under the moon. You will find that in a very short time, within the next week or so, that your senses are sharper, you reflexes faster, your strength grows quickly and stronger than ever, you can run faster, longer, you have lighter steps....you even see better in the dark...and over great distances, you can smell almost anything that has been on a person for the last 42 hours, even if they have washed. you can hear a fly from the other side of the parking lot....... oh btw, make...

[wolfkid91]

on 11/18/2009 I found these incantations and was wondering if they works or i can really use them...if you know if it does plz help me to understand them and how to use them...email me at [e-mail].......

~Traditional Incantations~


"Spirits from the deep, who never sleep, be kind to me.

Spirits from the grave, without a soul to save , be kind to me.

Spirits of the trees, that grow upon the leas, be kind to me.

Spirits of the air, foul and black, not fair, be kind to me.

Spirits of the dead, that glide with noiseless tread, be kind to me

Spirits of heat and fire, destruction in your ire, be kind to me.

Spirits of cold and ice, phantoms of crime and vice, be kind to me.

Wolves, Vampires, Satyrs, Ghosts!

Elect of all the devilish hosts!

I pray you send hither, send hither, send hither

The great grey shape that makes men shiver!

Shiver, shiver, shiver!

Come, c...